Right. Happy New Year.

Opportunity

Today, I honor my partner by posting his New Year's letter to his friends and family. As you read, you'll sense his struggle and the advances he hopes that we'll all make in 2007. He knows the value of time and how fleeting it can be. To wish you all peace and encouragement as we move forward....yet one more notch on the clock of life. Big New Year's Hugs to you all....Lewis. And now........

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them
ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's
Day. Edith Lovejoy Pierce
Tomorrow is the big day. And from this seat I want to say "Fasten Your Seat
Belts" because 2007 is going to be a fantastic ride. No resolutions here. No
talk of how and why and what it "should be". It is just going to BE. Period. I
owe it to myself, Lewis, T, R, and the rest of my family. I owe it to my
friends, co -workers. We as a family owe it to each other.
We ALL know what needs to be done. We ALL know what hasn't been done. We ALL
know what works. We ALL know what doesn't work. We ALL know the old tapes that
play in our heads. We ALL know about the broken record. We ALL now what we want
to change in all aspects of our lives; our physical lives, our emotional lives,
and our spiritual lives.
We talk about change being the only constant in our lives, yet we are so afraid
to make changes.
Let's not make a sound. Let's not play the old tapes. Let's not turn on the old 33 RPM record that
has been broken for years. Let's write the new book. Pen in hand. Paper in
place. Let's ask for what we do and don't want in this life. Let's not accept
the things that are unhealthy in our lives, whether they be emotional,
spiritual, and physical. Work stays at work. Quality of life. Take care of our
bodies and nourish them spiritually and physically. Go to the doctor. Balance
our check books and plan for the future. Reduce stress and addictions that cause
fatigue. Change the things that are not working and that are unhealthy.
New blank pages are right in front of us. We have plenty of ink. We have our God
to guide us. Let's start writing. We don't have to know each chapter as we each
write it. But we do need to write. We will all have the opportunity to read the
finished work. But right now we are ALL the authors, and we are challenged to
write a new book called Opportunity. It WILL be a best seller because we ALL
have it in us to write the best book ever. Let's not talk about the ending, or what we would
like to happen in chapter 3. Believe me, there will be quite a party once the
books are published!
I love you all! Happy New Year!
Blair (Steven)

Here's To 2007

Here's hoping that 2007
will bring joy and love to all of us.
Have a Gay Ol' Time & Play Safe
this New Year's!

♥
~Morgen
It's A Blog Eat Blog World

Happy New Year

Hello people, it's less than 23 hours now for our beloved 2007 to come, and there I wish you all, Happy New Year, and make sure you have a new year resolution wit you there. Get urself improve :)

How To Get On MySpace

Okay, I'm not stupid. I know there are some very freaky people out there on "the internets". (and now we can add Tom Delay to that group...)

And I'll admit, during this blogs' holiday hiatus, I've been using more time than I should to play on MySpace. I will also admit that it's been a rather fun and educational little diversion.

Politics is always a fun carcass to poke at with a stick, sure. But if you've been watching the news lately, it's all retrospectives and the occasional blip covering the Death of Prestident Ford. (I really am very sad about his passing.) However, since there are so very few political stories to be had out there - and believe me, I've looked - I have to do something to pass the time.

Enter MySpace. Now, I know I've written before about the newly discovered fun that was MySpace, but now that I've really had the time to dive into it...I think I fear politics less.

Now, before I start out on this funny little roller coaster of a piece, I do want to point out one thing: I have met some very interesting and cool people on that site. I've begun to develop some friendships-from-across-the-miles that are, thus far, well worth the MySpace membership. I won't mention names (you know who you are), but they're my "top 24".

That being said...

Oh, the masks that many on that site wear. Cute and sweet and interesting is their hard candy shell. Crack it open, and the freaky creamy center is exposed.

I have now got somewhere around 1570-ish "friends" listed on my page. That puts me somewhere in what is known as the "MySpace Friends Whore" category. The thing about that is that I get 15 - 25 friends requests daily. People who are parusing the site, see my picture on someone else's friends list and then ask me to add them to my page. Believe it or not, I "deny" about half of them each time. Especially if I look at their page and see:

1. They are under 21.


2. They have porn on their page.


3. They have pictures of models, but none of themselves.


4. They have no picture at all. (a big hint they are spammers)


5. They are "friends whores".

I really do try to screen these prospects thoroughly. Most of the time, it's with success. Many times, however, they slip through my screening net with deceptions. I've noticed that I'll get a friends request to add them to my page, and their picture will be"clean". Then, after I look over their page during my oh-so-stringent screening process (uh huh, right), if they pass the mustard, I'll accept their request. Then, after the request is accepted, their picture has magically changed to "beefcake". Sometimes, even to porn.

Now, I know I've said it before, but I feel that it bears repeating...I have nothing against a little "Beefcake" or "eye candy", and if you look through my complete friends list, you'll see a lot of people use that for their profile pic. Perfectly fine with me. One good thing about MySpace is that they don't allow complete nudity on any part of their site. If some happens to sneek onto someone's page, that page is eventually shut down when detected or reported.

I mention the above because I get a lot of snickering from friends (in the real world, the ones I actually see daily) who tell me, "Yeah, I went to your page and man, there sure a lot of shirtless guys on there. What's up with that?"

What can I say? Just because some of those people use that as their default profile picture isn't reason to tell them to get lost. Although, if their page doesn't have some intelligent blog postings or intelligent blurbs...they're 86'd by me.

I think the only scary part about MySpace or any other site like it is those people who start off great. You know, they are super funny. Sound intelligent. Are low-key and don't pounce on you with the sex-talk. And believe me when I say, I can spot a double entendre in their messages from a mile away!!

There have been a couple of people who began this way...and we had some very intellectual back and forths over the past few weeks. It was a lot of fun.

THEN...

Something inside them said, "He's ripe for the picking, now. Pounce on him!! Use the sexy words I taught you. He'll love you long time. He'll be all over you like Oprah at a buffet."

When you happen to notice the conversation is beginning to take an unusually dirty turn, that you can almost hear that wierd whispery soundtrack from the first Friday The 13th movie...

Chipp Chipp Chipp...Gapp Gapp Gapp...

Next thing you know, the person who was just earlier making you laugh, is now wanting you to urinate on them. Eeeeewwww! No kidding. Three people have tried that already. And the freakiest part about it is, when I block that person's messages and delete them from my friends list, they go all Glenn Close on my ass...

"I will not be ignored, Dan!!!"

I then have to check to see if my rabbit, Mr. Nibbles, is still there. I'm only kidding, I don't have a rabbit. Anymore. Chipp Chipp Chipp...Gapp Gapp Gapp...

I'm not normally a paranoid person, but I'm still waiting for the call from the Police, "Daniel, the calls are coming from inside the house!!! Run. Run!!!!"

Well, I've run on and on about this enough for today. Time to find something productive to do.

Hey, cool...I just got another friend request....C'mon, Mr. Nibbles...this guy looks pretty cool...let's go talk politics with him...what's his name?...Mark Foley?...He sounds pretty normal...

(scene ends with Daniel and the ficticious Mr. Nibbles skipping down the primrose path, hand in hand, to MySpace land...Stay tuned for further adventures...)

Stash of Dollar Bills

I'm out of the hotel early this morning, 6:00, and off to Starbucks for the obligatory tall nonfat vanilla latte before a busy day of flying. The streets of Oakland are pretty quiet. It's still dark and cool, maybe 40. There are a few people getting an early start setting up in the street for the Friday Market that always looks so tempting whenever I happen to be there on a Friday. Starbucks is a block down the street from the hotel.....I cross over Broadway and turn left. There's a bundle of blankets, or is it a couple of heavy winter coats, with a woman all wrapped up inside...her very own (warm?) cocoon. It's her house, actually. Her hood is pulled up over her head, just her face is showing, sort of, when it's not looking down at the cold gray sidewalk. She is sitting on the ground and asks if I have any change when I pass by. I have never given a dime to anybody on the streets that I remember. Not really any real good reason for not doing it. Just have chosen not to, I guess. Sometimes I think it's a scam, or kids just trying to get a few extra bucks for pot or beer, but I know it's not always that way. Today is no different. I walk right on by her ignoring her plea. And then it hits me, just about the time I'm opening the door, smelling the pastries and hot coffee: Right now, I'm the very thing that I don't like in our world. Nicely dressed, fresh out of the hot soapy shower, clean clothes, and marching my pretty little arrogant ass into the local corporate conglomerate coffee shop to drop $3 on a drink. Not a bad thing...but sometimes I hate that part of our country....and now it's me.....I'm a part of it....I'm the one doing it.......being an active participant in separating myself from "those other people." So, I order and wait. I turn and look outside through the well decorated windows and see the back of her head outside. She has taken over my mind....all without doing a thing. Wonder how long she's been there? Is she there all of the time? Maybe that's "her spot." The coffee comes up for "Lewis" and I'm off....back outside with a dollar bill in my hand, folded up neatly, to give to her when I pass by her again. I'm still trying to avoid eye contact as I walk directly toward her.....why? I don't know. So, I slip her the dollar and keep on moving. She says nothing. And it happens again...the cynicism rears its ugly head...and I say "you're welcome" to her because she didn't thank me...and keep on walking toward the hotel. Just trying to remind her that she should say "thank you" when given something. On my right, I'm passing an old beat-up pickup that has pulled over to the curb and is putting up a homemade sign on butcher paper along the side of the pickup: "Live Chickens." The back of the truck is filled with four or five huge steel chicken cages filled with what are supposed to be live chickens. They don't look alive to me. Ick. I'm disgusted and turn my head away. Back to thinking about the girl. And quickly reminded of my sister who spent a good portion of her life on the streets, begging, sleeping rolled up in cardboard for the night under a Rhododendron bush. Thank god she's not there any longer. I wonder if people helped her? I wonder if assholes like me walked on by her or thought less-than-positive thoughts about her. Or if they said "you're welcome" to her if she forgot to say "thanks." God, I hope not. I've thought about this girl for the rest of my day. It occurred to me that she was probably afraid to say anything to me after I totally ignored her on my initial way into get my rich white boy gay coffee. There always seems to be a struggle between my head and my heart. An internal Iraq war going on...based on bad intelligence sometimes, I think. I always try to remind myself that I never know what journey the other person is on. Who they are, where they've come from, or where they are going. Hell, maybe they don't even know. I do know that 2007 is going to be a different year for me. There may even be a stash of dollar bills in my pocket.

A Technical Note...(& Happy Holidays)

B & I want to take a minute out of the day and the life to thank everyone for reading He Said He Did as well as the various comments that we are receiving. We encourage more people to write. One of us tries to get back to you as soon as possible!



That being said, I also want to take a moment to perhaps explain the blog's "intentions", if that is necessary due to a recent comment I received from one of my readers:

The Daily Bitch Ep.1

Hello everyone,

None of you may know me but my name is Angel. I am new to the "Its Raining Men" blog and I am happy for the invite! Dont know much to say so I guess im going to have to create a new thing on this blog. Its called " The Daily Bitch." And bitch boy from egn online will answer them.


Todays Daily Bitch.

I hate it when I enter the gym sauna or steam room after a workout and interrupt two or more guys giving handjobs or blowjobs. Sometimes a guy will rub his crotch under his towel and look at me as if he wants me to join in. Unlike the gay guys before us, we don’t have to resort to trolling for sex in public places. This isn’t the 1950s or 1960s. Have some dignity, guys.


Bitch Boy responds: But isn’t it always the older guys born in the ’50s and ’60s cruising the saunas?

Also if you dont already know, advocate.com has a sweepstakes for a chance for 5 to win tickets to the christina agulera tour. You can see full rules and the contest signup below.


Happy Holidays!

Love n Peace,
Angel

MUFFINS

From the creator who brought you "Shoes" its "Muffins".

Sorry I just had to post this! LOL

Another Small Step

By Denise Etheridge and Will Davis

The White County school board and the ACLU have tentatively agreed on terms that will settle the gay support club case. The case will not be officially settled, both sides say, until all parties sign the agreement.

The first phase of the lawsuit was settled in July when U.S. District Judge William O'Kelley ordered that all non-curricular clubs, including PRIDE (Peers Rising In Diversity Education), be allowed to return to White County High School. The judge said the school district ran “afoul” of the Equal Access Act despite its good faith efforts to follow the law when it barred non-curricular clubs.

The ACLU, in the second phase of the lawsuit, charged that the district failed to protect students from alleged harassment and violation of their civil rights. PRIDE members said they formed a gay-straight alliance because gay students, and those perceived to be gay, were being verbally and physically abused by other students. They said anti-gay harassment was chronic and widespread at the high school and that school officials did not address the issue.

Sources close to the lawsuit said the pending agreement states that the school district's insurance must pay the ACLU $168,000 to cover legal fees and $10,000 to the student plaintiffs. White County School Superintendent Dr. Paul Shaw said the school system's insurance will cover it. According to the sources, White County schools must implement an anti-bullying program at the White County Ninth Grade Academy and White County High School with 90 percent student participation. The draft settlement, sources said, also names a White County teacher to facilitate the anti-bullying program.

A “no crowing” clause is allegedly also included in the pending settlement, forbidding both the ACLU and the students it represents and school officials from bragging that they “won” the case.

Shaw said he could not comment on specifics but did say “from my understanding we have resolved the issue.” Shaw deferred comment to White County school board attorney Phil Hartley of Harben and Hartley in Gainesville. Hartley could not be reached for comment despite repeated attempts.


ACLU attorney Beth Littrell said the case has not yet been dismissed and that

she cannot comment on the tentative agreement until the document is fully executed.

“I cannot say it is resolved ... until the ink is dry,” Littrell said.

Savannah Pacer, whose daughter Kerry Pacer helped establish PRIDE at the high school, also said she cannot comment on the pending settlement but said she believes both parties will be pleased.

“It's good to move forward and to have the school become a safer place,” said Pacer.

Pacer said PRIDE meets regularly like any other school club

story from
white county news telegraph

I think all schools should have some kind of program 2 stop the hate and the bully's just my 2 cents.

Last Post Before Blogger Switch, Videographitti, Go See "Brothers and Sisters" at ABC Website

Okay, hold your breath blogger friends and readers. This is probably the last post I will make before I attempt the switch over to the "New and Improved" blogger...yea right!! I am getting sick of my 'puter screen asking me everyday, "Do you finally wanna switch over to the new blogger egghead??" So sometime between tonight and Saturday, I will attempt the move. As I said, I am copying my template, just in case I need some blog addresses or to try to cut and paste this back to some sort of normalcy in case it all blows up. It may be a smooth as silk transition, but I am not counting on it. I just dont have that kinda luck, and besides, it's my birthday Saturday, so something needs to come down and rain on my parade, LOL.


So I am transitioning into more and more hours at the production studio, trying to convince my friend I am worth paying so I can get the heck out of my other job that I have grown to hate. There are a lot of kewl and exciting things happening over at Accent Media, and I hope I am becoming a strong part of the team in getting the place a bit more organized and recognized as we head into a new year. One of the things I have been working on there, I could use your help with. I need some of your fabulous ideas that bloggers and readers are so famous for. Here's the dealio, as part of my marketing campaign for the company, I am creating a blog, (who woulda thunk it eh?), that will chronicle a bit about our company, and be hopefully of some use to the general public as well. I have just started the shell of it, and (gasp!) you may even get to see my picture that I have hidden from you all so well here over the last 9 months, as I want each of the guys at the studio to have a face shot on the blog. The site is at www.accentmedia.wordpress.com, and I have tentavely titled the blog, "Videographitti". As I said, part of the blog will be promotion for the company, but part of it will be some useful blog entries for all of you wannabe filmakers, videographers, camerapeople, editors, web builders, etc., and will offer some friendly tips and advice. Here is where I need your help!! I need ideas for posts of things you guys would like to know about the things I just talked about. Nothing super fancy, but we may be able to individually help you with those problems as well on occassion, but some simple troubleshooting questions or advice questions, that could help you all out. I want to make some humorous headlines with some worthwhile advice. Something like, "Better To Be Seen Than Heard??," and advice about using built in microphones with the camera's, or a good microphone to invest in with your camera and how to use it. Or like, "Great Ideas Begin With A Flashbulb Going Off Above Your Head," and give some advice on the best use of flash and lighting for a shot. So there you have it blogger friends. What kind of ideas do you have for questions about Camerawork, lighting, editing, software, graphic design, and web building, that you would like answered. I will be sure to let you all know when entries to the blog are posted. Heck, I may even copy and paste them over here on this blog and add them to the Gay Guru Website as well. Be sure to check out the Accent Media MySpace Page that I created also, over at www.myspace.com/accentmediallc.




As I told you on christmas, I will be blogging lite until January 2nd, with sporadic posts. I hope you all had a great holiday season and are getting ready for a rocking new year. I see big things coming for the Gay Guru blog and website, along with our One Year Anniversary in April. One last thing I HAVE to tell you about is the ABC show "Brothers and Sisters", that I have been gushing about all season. Well ABC listened to the emails of myself and I am sure a million others, and FINALLY put the full episodes up on their website, and will be replaying each new episode online 24 hours after the episode originally airs!! So go HERE, to watch those episodes now. You have just got to see how one of the best portrayed gay man on television is written, along with actual kissing and implied sex, whooooeeeeee!! Todays Captured Cuties come from google searches of Hottie Kevin and Justin. Enjoy blogger friends.......GG

12th Day of Christmas.......Happy Holidays To All

Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Happy Christmas, and any other way any of you blogger friends and readers may be celebrating today. For all of our other friends, who have already celebrated the season or are doing so in their own ways, I hope you have enjoyed a fantastic weekend. The Guru family is not huge on extravagant gift giving over the holidays to each other, it's mostly hanging together, eating and being a family. My big gifts this year from Mama and Papa Guru, consisted of some cash and a crock pot, (that I really wanted and asked for btw.) We did spend christmas eve and part of today with close neighbors and their families, eating waaaaaay too much and laughing waaaaay too hard so the food was shooting out some noses. I am on my way out to one christmas tradition I still have, movies with friends on christmas day. Unfortunately, DreamGirls was supposed to open I thought here today, but am not seeing it in the newspaper or online, so I guess it's not. Our back-up plan is to see Will Smith in "The Pursuit of Happiness."


I will be continuing to blog lite until the new year, but starting next tuesday the 2nd, it will be full steam ahead again. At least you dont have to put up with my 12 Days of Christmas anymore, lol. Todays Captured Cuties were from the blog "Would I". I think this will officially be my longest post ever. I am also sorta, kinda being forced by blogger to go over to the new blogger format, so I will be attempting that this week as well. I am hoping not to lose anything in the process, but I am pasting my template to a document just in case, and bear with me if I have to recreate some stuff. I hope you all had a great holiday season and are ready for a fantastic new year. I hope to see all of you and more continuing to read this blog in the coming year and growing bigger than ever. Enjoy your week blogger friends and readers...........GG


The Gay Guru's 12 Days of Christmas


On the 12th day of Christmas, the Gay Guru gave to me, Twelve Months of Pride


Eleven Christmas Carols


Ten Men of Thunder Down Under


Nine Pics Of Leather


Eight Drag Queen Diva's


Seven Scented Candles


Six Must-See Movies


Five Captured Cuties


Four Skating Santa's


Three Light Shows


"Paws and Reflect"


And a wish of peace and love all year through




Silent Night: Acappella

Rudolph The Rednosed Reindeer: Ringo Starr

Frosty The Snowman: Old Version

Taylor Hicks: White Christmas

Do You Hear What I Hear: Celine Dion/Rosie O'Donnell

Little Drummer Boy: Cute

The Christmas Song: Christina Aguillera

Here Comes Santa Claus: Ummmm weird!

O' Holy Night: Kelly Clarkson

Deck the Halls: Craig Ferguson

So This is Christmas: John Lennon











Porn Mistress Chi Chi LaRue

Fierce and Fabulous Jackie Beat

Bringing It Mainstream, RuPaul

The Ladylike Lady Bunny

Midwest Diva Danyel Vasquez

Blabber Head Hedda Lettuce

Clearly Classy Lady Chablis

Brittish Import Dame Edna

Merry Christmas Everyone!

"A Merry Christmas to us all my dears. God bless us. God Bless us every one." - Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol

It may be a cheesey song. Hell, you may hate Dionne Warwick, but I like the sentiment. Indeed, what the world needs now is love sweet love...not just for some, but for everyone.

Merry Christmas to us ALL!

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!

Christmas in Perspective

This isn't really a "gay-themed" post ... but I thought I'd share anyway ...



Every Sunday, I read Post Secret. If you've never seen this site, it is a place where people send in postcards with their deepest secrets, which are displayed (anonymously) on their site. It's amazing, soul-baring, tragic and sometimes funny ... but a true view of humanity and the fact that people all over the place have feelings that we, too, may feel. I gain a new perspective on my life when I read these secrets.



Both of my parents passed away during the fall (my Mom in 1982 and my Dad in 2005), so the holidays are always kind of bittersweet. I wrote in my Thanksgiving post about my family, and how I feel I've lost a link to my past now that both of my parents have passed away. I've become closer to my cousins on my Mom's side, which is a blessing.

My cousin Jo e-mailed me the other night ... my aunt and uncle travelled from Florida up to Chicago for Christmas, and my uncle became ill and was taken to the emergency room. They thought he may have suffered a stroke, or a heart attack ... he had suddenly become disoriented and unsteady. Thankfully, it turns out he has a urinary tract infection (which can cause confusion) and is being treated with antibiotics, and he should be out of the hospital today in time to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with his family.

Things like this are always scary, especially when your family is getting older. But it brought us all together a bit; I talked to both of my brothers, my cousin Jo, and my uncle, and at least one brother called my uncle as well. These phone conversations between us all are rare at best. In an odd way, this was a gift to us all so close to Christmas. I got the chance to tell my family members that I love them, and bond with them all in some small way. I'm taking that thought and feeling and hope for more with me into the New Year.




So this morning, like every Sunday, I looked at Post Secret and read the new postcards. Here is the postcard that prompted me to write this post ... I suddenly don't want any gifts this year that can be wrapped and put under the tree.

- Matt

Mo's Big Gay Christmas Extravaganza On Ice!

If I had a billion extra dollars, I'd build Q, a gay resort hotel & casino in Las Vegas.
My holiday show at Q would be
Mo's Big Gay Christmas Extravaganza On Ice!

As you sit in the audience...
The theatre is dark, then tiny spotlights shine on mirrored disco balls, high above the crowd. The stage is still black, but flashes of light stream down on the audience.
A deep bass rum-pa-pum-pum reverberates through the packed house.
Then you hear "Come" echoing from the speakers -- softly, then louder and louder:
"Come! Come! Come!"
Lights come up on stage as a fabulous rhythmic version of "Little Drummer Boy" rocks the speakers, "Come, they told me, ba-rum-pa-pum-PUM!"
And there are 13 hot, muscular studs on-stage -- which is a skating rink -- that has lights imbedded into the ice, so it can be lit from below, wearing black leather harnesses and chaps, dancing and skating to the beat. The Daddy of the bunch has a drum, and he is beating along to the bass.
At the end of the song, as it fades into the next disco melody, he is left alone on the stage, in a single spot, just him and his drum. As the lights onstage fade, the ice under the drummer glows a deep red.

From each side of the theatre, a set of stairs slides out on stage, encapsulating the Drummer. Just as he vanishes, the lights come up and the music pops to a disco version of "Silver Bells"
A plethora of activity breaks out on stage -- hot, tanned studs in tightie whities have snowball fights while skaters wearing strategically placed silver jingle bells twirl around and drag divas descend the stairs, wearing costumes made entirely out of tiny mirrored tiles.

"Silver Bells" segues into disco "Jingle Bell Rock" and the white and silver theme switches to red. Hot red. A dozen studly Santas come out and strip down to red g-strings and Santa hats. The lights dim, and their skates and costumes have flashing red LED lights built into them, and their red lights flash around the stage, sparkling off the ice as they dance.

The beat of "Jingle Bell Rock" slows down, a thumping again shaking the house. Golden arabic arches descend from the rafters onto the top of the staircases and the music switches to a throbbing, rhythmic sexy version of "We Three Kings" where in a cloud of fog, shot through with purple and red lasers. The ice glows golden, like the sands of the desert, and the three Magi appear in the arches and step down as they disrobe to the beat, until their gifts of gold, frankencense & myrrh are the only thing covering their packages. Just as they turn and flash their bare bums to the audience, the lights go out. Fog cascades down the stairs, and an angel

steps forth in a golden spotlight for a solo skate to Sting's "Angel Gabriel".

The end of the song segues into a rousing disco rendition of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas". Red and green twinkle lights pulse in the ice, and most of the dancers sweep out onto the ice, wearing their Santa Hats and Jingle Bell leather harnesses. And tight red patent leather short shorts. Then several elf-studs pull out a Santa Sleigh, and they toss gifts to the audience. Santa and the elves join the skating dancers, and this is the big ice skating finale, with a disco medley of all the previous songs, endiging with a remix of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" building to a rousing climax.

So, there's

Mo's Big Gay Christmas Extravaganza On Ice,

showing exclusively at Q in Vegas, baby!

Merry Christmas from
It's A Blog Eat Blog World!

Ho Ho Ho

mo

Christmas came early!

Christmas came early for me. I've had a package sitting here in the studio. I wanted to open it, but I just stared at it for what seemed like forever. It was from Jon, and I just wanted to peak into it....but I didn't. That is...until last night when my package to him arrived at his house. I got two presents, and one wasn't in the box.

My family had a tradition of opening stuff on Christmas Eve. I've always tried to have one thing to open on Christmas day because that's when "Santa" would have left us kids the "big" present. But...I wanted to open our presents together, me and Jon on the phone becuase it was going to be the closest thing I would have to actually being there with him. So to me, that was a major part of my present was being able to open his (and yes there is a picture), and him open mine together. I couldn't think of anything better really....although what he sent me is so friggin amazing that I'm sharing it with you all.

For those that don't know, Jon created these himself. He made them, mached them, painted them and they are absolutely amazing pieces of art. He sent me the three in the background of the picture (Alice Cooper, Pee Wee Herman, and a Gangster that I think ROCKS!). The Wolf and Red Ridinghood I bought from him several months ago. The Dogfish and Catsfish were presents he sent me and ya know what....they're all amazing. I've never really had any artworks before...just posters on the wall, but now I have something that reminds me again and again how wonderful, talented, and amazing he is.

Sometimes, someone comes into your life for a reason. They don't have to know it, and sometimes you don't either. It just happens. For me, I just know that I'm a lucky man to have him in my life. Christmas doesn't mean spend tons of money on me....not to me. It means that the present you send comes from the heart, and he knew that I'd love these guys and gave them to me. THAT means a lot to me. Sure presents are nice, expensive stuff is nice, but to have something that someone made with all the effort behind it...priceless! I am eternally greatful to have someone like this in my life. I'm glad that the Universe stepped in and said, "Here. This is a person who will appreciate you, and who you will appreciate." Just another testiment to love in my book.

Thank you Jon for my kids, for you kids who are now my kids. You can come and visit them anytime.

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!

From Me and Mikey 2 U

Just wanted 2 say thanx 2 all that have join this blog and all the work Jon has put into it when I started I never dreamed it would have gotten this big. I think as a group we are stronger. Sorry I haven't put much into it lately I will try harder 2 do more on here. Like I said thanx so much 4 Jon I ask him 2 help on this blog and he took the ball and ran with it. Thank Jon and much love 2 u! I won't b around much on here or my other blog Boys are so Ugly until after Christmas so I want 2 wish ya'll a safe and Very Merry Christmas!

Found this online:

TRENTON, N.J. - New Jersey’s governor signed legislation Thursday giving gay couples all the rights and responsibilities of marriage allowed under state law — but not the title.
When the law goes into effect Feb. 19, New Jersey will become the third state offering civil unions to gay couples and the fifth allowing gay couples some version of marriage.

We've got 10% of the states now...let's see how many more was can get. Or better yet, how long it takes the Federal Government to recognize gay marriage. I used to think, maybe 15 years ago, I'd never see anything like this in my lifetime. Now, I think, I won't have to wait even 15 years to see it.

Rejoice, NJ gays and lesbians! What a great Christmas present from the legisture and governor.

POLT

the trouble with blogging

this is something that fellow bloggers can appreciate.

as word had spread about my blog amongst those i know personally, i've found that it has produced some of the most surprising effects. not all of this has been positive, mind. in fact, quite a few have been detrimental.

i received a call from a seldom-heard-from friend the other day, crying foul that i had written about her. i was surprised that she even knew my site existed, let alone that she'd read it. for the record, the post is now more than several months old and only detailed the truth. that she is one of those "use-a-friendly" friend; only heard from occasionally and only if in need of something. obviously, changing the names to protect the guilty those involved didn't matter in this case. i guess the truth rings out regardless. and evidently, it hurts.

she flatly accused yours truly of making up lies that allegedly perpetuates the myth that she is a user. the fact that the number of friends she has have gradually dwindled down to almost no-one since high school caused by this particular trait of hers doesn't seem to even register in her egotistical world. she went on to say that despite of my transgression she'd still continue to read my blog so that she can keep a tab on my "fanciful" writings and alert those that i write about. she ended the call by saying that i am no longer her friend.

i'm not going to lose sleep over the lose of her friendship but she has touched on something that i've been a while concerned about. you see, i've increasingly found it difficult to write certain posts only because publishing them will hurt feelings and incriminate not only myself but those involved in the story. and boy, some of them have been real doozies.

the prospect of censuring, to which i've already done to some extent with certain posts, limits not only what i can explore on these pages but also kills inspiration. frankly, it sucks.

so the question is, what's a blogger to do?

perhaps starting another blog, completely divorced from this one and with a pseudonym might be the answer. tristan's queer bent maybe? the people at the local starbucks might start to worry. plus, just this blog alone already takes up quite a bit of my day. i need time for my other obsessions.

maybe i should just get a bunch of new friends to write about and keep them in the dark about being blog fodder. the posts would surely be interesting as i systematically deconstruct their personalities and relationships without their knowing. but that seems surreptitious as well as scandalous, and would only work for a while until some eager beaver discovers either by word-of-mouth or the now more common way, by googling names. then, it would all start again.

maybe i should just stop writing altogether and just put up photos after photos of semi-naked men. there's an audience for that. after all, as i heard from reliable sources, the internet was made for porn. but that would just be pedestrian and, not to mention, boring.

in all seriousness, i've in fact contemplated closing down the blog for reasons involving censorship. but even just casually mentioning of my intention to do this to several people yesterday, i was met with howls of protest. don't worry, i'm not going to do it.

maybe the key - the real answer to the question - is to continue writing with complete honesty and integrity. after all, when the written word is the integral truth, then the intention and sentiments behind them should produce the right effect, regardless of what - and who - the topic may be about. and perhaps topping the writing off with just the right amount of finesse, tact, and plenty of cheek would help a long ways to making the truth digestible, especially when the information is a little sensitive?

yeah, i'm not convinced either.

in any case, i owe my dear ex-seldom-heard-from "use-a-friendly" friend some thanks. thank you for your email. i do hope that you are still reading. and don't worry. don't think that this will be the last you'd feature on my blog. you won't be too far away from these pages. after all, you've provided me with plenty of inspiration for more posts to come.

and before i forget, i've got one other thing to say to you, C U Next Time!

Lovely and cute Christmas Tree

While movie from places to places here in Sg I've found out lots of weird Christmas tree, there are Crystal Christmas tree (Picture 1), Angel hanging high from the Christmas tree (Picture 2), as if Burned Christmas tree (Picture 3), Cottonwool Christmas Tree (Picture 4) and finally well that's not a Christmas Tree but nicely design... :P

My Christmas Cheer...

...comes in many ways. I usually hate Christmas - my late father's birthday was December 24, 1924. He was 60 when he died in 1985. Here we are when I was 5 - a rare shot in my tightie whities. I have spent 20 years learning to love Christmas all over again. I am really with someone I love this year. It makes this photo even better.

I don't know that kid lying in my father's arms. I do know that I wish I still could wear that shirt. And those underpants. All I can say that this photo represents the security that we all want in life. A strong arm around you. Some blocks in the background that are there when you are ready to play with them. A cheap lamp with a crooked shade. That's what being happy is all about.

And I am in 2006. Happy Holidays to everyone on the best Group Gay Blog ever...

Dan

I was right...

Sometime ago I wrote article named "My Scream". I wrote about Polish parliamentarians who want change my country into second Vatican.
Lot of the people said to me I am wrong. Now I am sure I am right. Why?
One of Polish newspaper wrote today about new project of law, made by Law & Justice. They want to give a title of King of the Poland to... Jesus Christ. Yes...You see correctly. Even Polish Roman Catholic Church said NO to this idea, but who cares?
L&J want to be more saint then Pope.
What we can do? I don't have any idea... But, did this antisemitic guys knows, that they want to elect Jew for the King of Poland? I don't think so. I know, that in their opinion Jesus was Polish...

Happy Holidays

I may not be able to stop by because of my busy holiday schedule. I just wanted to say that my year has been great since I've discovered blogsphere and have been able to express myself in places like this. I wish all of you well and the best for this holiday season and the New Year!!

Wanted...

Things around the house are anything but normal these days. Bianca is about to enjoy her second week eating, sleeping and peeing all over our apartment. Both jobs are picking up (I say that as I take a break from editing hell). And our roomie, Franca, is hopping about on the other side of the world. It is with this final change that prompted B’s most recent idea.

The Gay Guru Does the 12 Days of Christmas

Hi blogger friends and readers, I hope you are all having a little fun while I blog light here over the holidays with my 12 Days of Christmas. It is getting to be a longer and longer post as I redo each days pictures from the day, but it has been fun for me, and given me a little break from blogging on all the news, commentary and stuff that I usually like to share with you. Hope you all had a great weekend and are looking forward to a last great week before christmas. Our 5th day of christmas brings the captured cuties back you havent seen in a while. I will change the cuties each day as I add the remaining days till christmas. Todays cuties come from blogger friend, Marco at One Third Basketi. Cya later blogger friends........enjoy.....GG

The Gay Guru's 12 Days of Christmas


On the 5th day of Christmas, the Gay Guru gave to me, Five Captured Cuties


Four Skating Santa's


Three Light Shows


"Paws and Reflect"


And a wish of peace and love all year through

Morning Mood Enhancer

7:55 this morning, bleary eyed, I stumbled slowly, carefully, down the stairs from our bedroom. In sweats. Made the bed already. It's kind of cold out for Portland....low 30s overnight. A little ice and snow yesterday with horrible winds. S always makes sure my coffee is ready for me. He's so good that way. I've stayed in bed so long today that he's already in the shower. I hear the water running. Good, I'll get my coffee and sneak in the bathroom and maybe even slip into the shower too. Hum. Knock the heat up to 68, fill my coffee cup, and take a look outside to see if it looks slick. The deck is shiny with ice. Damn. The shower water has turned off. He's in his robe, shaving cream on his pretty face. He always shaves after the shower at the sink. I'm an "in the shower" kind of guy as far as shaving goes. He tells me he's in a bad mood which is very unusual for him. Didn't sleep well. I hate to hear that first thing in the morning. We've got a totally busy weekend ahead of us.....dinner with friends tonight before the Portland Gay Men's Chorus holiday concert....two open houses tomorrow before dinner with more friends at The Rheinlander (guess which entre I'm having?). So, no time for a bad mood. I catch him in the office now, computer in his lap, in one of our favorite chairs...beautiful buttery leather. He's in his terry cloth bathrobe from a few Christmases back. Warm and toasty on this cold morning except that it's kind of hanging open just a little. Probably a draft in there. He is such a beautiful man....fuzzy chest, stomach and legs. Just perfect. So, maybe I'll try and help improve that bad mood a little, I'm thinking, even though I haven't finished my first cup of java yet. Of course he wouldn't mind just a little extra mood enhancer, would he? But it wasn't long before he's looking around, checking through the windows to see if any neighbors are watching (yeah, right, the super-cool lesbians next door are probably saddled up in their breakfast nook having their breakfast smoothies, reading the paper, and tuning in to me on the office floor with him the chair). I am so sure! But, "snap," the robe is yanked closed....."I'm not that kind of boy," he chirps. But at least he's got a smile on his face now. Maybe his mood has changed for the better, even just a little, I hope. Sure enough, it's been a good day. Happier than happy. Big smile on his face. I'll bet the Chorus will sound better than ever tonight.

Ban death penalty, for Heaven's sake!

Angel Nieves Diaz' daughter and sister outside the prison during his execution.

"Washington – At least for the time being, Florida's governor, Jeb Bush, has suspended the enforcement of death penalties by lethal injection for the coming months. Otherwise an injury of the constitutional rights may be a threat, said President George W. Bush's brother, according to MSNBC in Miami. A commission of inquiry has now to examine until the beginning of March whether executions by lethal injection are at all constitutional. Alone in Florida 374 people are waiting at present for their execution in prisons, according to media reports.
The motive of the suspension is the heavy breakdown during the execution of the 55 year old Angel Nieves Diaz last night. He died only after some excruciating 34 minutes. Normally it lasts "substantially less time", said the prison doctor.
Diaz had been condemned to death in 1979 because of a murder."

Did this happen in today's United States of America or in Pinochet's Chile of years gone by?
Has Fidel Castro been doing the same in Cuba?
What had Angel Nieves Diaz been living for since 1979?
Who is in the «death row»?
What on earth is going on in Guantánamo?
Is the Catholic Church really so much «pro vita»?
Where are its campaigns against death penalty, whereas it keeps condemning women for aborting?

I was looking for some info on Peace Vigils around the world today, when I came across this barbaric news.
Death penalty IS a murder perpetrated by the State on its citizens.
So much for my peaceful thoughts and my peace of mind…

RIC

Time To Shave

for the past few years i have had essentially the same haircut with little variation. #0 has been the typical choice for my clipper selection. the choice in style isn’t one necessarily due to lack of imagination but simply for economic reasons. that and my fetish for the skinhead.

Greetings From The South

This is my first post to this blog and I am honored to be allowed to join. It's taken me some time to get my nerve up and say 'hi' to everyone.

I'm 38 and live in Central Florida. I've lived here almost all my life, except for a brief stint in Nevada about ten years ago. It was a huge, frightening step to leave the "Disney life" but I felt I was at a dead end with my career and needed something different. A management position opened up, and though it only lasted a year, I could see things differently. Then after ending a 10 year relationship that had gone wrong I did some soul searching and came to terms with who I am and what I wanted in life.

I'm in the computer field, happy with what I'm doing, and finally getting my degree (the one huge regret in my life is not going to college sooner). I want to wish everyone happiness this season no matter what holiday you celebrate! Take care!

First post-Testing sexualities since 1992

I would like to thank you for inviting me to this group. I have never been a part of something like this before and I will try and do the best I can.

I am in my early 30's and live in relatively small town in Northern Iowa (40,000 people). We are pretty close to Minneapolis and Des Moines. I grew up here, born and raised. I cam out when I was 23 to my family. I lived in Mpls. for a while in the mid/late 90's and that is really where I found myself as a gay man.

I moved back to my home town in 2000 after a very horrible relationship with a man who was 9 years older than me. He loved me and I loved him...however sometimes love just isn't enough.

I left him and moved back home, bruised and a little broken. I saw alot of ugliness from certain people but also made some very good friends. It was a learning experiance and I think life is all about experiance. In my life I have been through alot of trials and tribulations but its made me the person I am today.

Since I have been home things have been relatively good. I have been here longer than I had originally expected but life is ok. There is no sense of "community" here and often times I feel out of touch with Gay culture. There are a small group of gay people here but I really dont get along with alot of them. Most of my friends are str8 here. I am a pretty well liked person, I am out but I dont advertise the fact I'm gay, I guess its because this is my hometown.

I am attracted to men who are masculine and confident. 9 times out of 10 they tend to be "str8" or bi. It isnt very fun at times because these guys will never want a relationship, they just want to see what its like to be with a guy, it curiousity. I try not to get attached or expect things I shouldnt but sometimes I do. I have had my heart broken a few times. I have always had the worst luck in the Love department. At times I dont really understand men, perhaps its because I was raised by women, my father passed when I was a baby. I just get women and men just confuse me.

I think for anyone its hard at times to find happiness but I am learning to be more comfortable in my own skin. Trying to accept certain things in my life and not to set myself up for anything.

I am greatful to have alot of wonderful people in my life and the support I have. I would be nowhere if I didnt have that.

Happy Holidys everyone!
I hope I didnt bore you to tears, lol!

Peace!
-M

Thanks for inviting me

I feel really honored to receive not one but two invitations to join here, one by Ryan Williams and one by Jon Cox. I had to create a blogger account as my blog Nichevo is in the beta version of Blogger. My latest post features an interview with Ryan and his boyfriend Mike and his post on Boys Are Ugly But So Cute for Friday will feature Ryan and Mike's interview with me. If you haven't yet discovered our blogs I cordially invite you to do so. Thanks again for inviting me to join I am glad to be here.

Repost From The Gay Guru Daily Blog: What are YOUR Holiday Traditions??

The holidays are crazy for me blogger friends, so much work, shopping, parties, friends and festivities to do, I lose all semblance of time and space, thus, blogging will be very erratic until the New Year. There might be small posts, there may be no posts, there may be triple or extended posts, I will do what I can, as I can. I would like to post the 12 days of christmas starting tomorrow thru christmas day. I have some ideas and I hope they all come out okay, to ensure at least one small post a day.




For now, I am looking for a new christmas tradition. I have been in the NE now for about 8 years, and I have yet to start any holiday traditions. Granted, I lived in 4 other cities all around the NE and New England since I came here, so there has been some small excuses for not getting into the swing of a tradition, but I love fun quirky things. While I was living in Southern California, my friends and I had a tradition for 8 years of christmas caroling in Beverly Hills. Did you know that not all stars have huge driveways with gates at the bottom to keep out strangers like me. Every year, my closest friends and I would gather, it would be about 8-15 depending on if we brought along other friends. We would dress up in our Winter's best, (and thats hard to do sometimes when it's 80 degrees at christmas time in cali every once in a while,) copy some christmas music, (you would think by year 8 we would have em all memorized, but we didnt,) and gather up some candles, and we were off. A lot of the older stars had very nice million dollar homes in BH, but they were nothing too different than some of the really nice subdivisions in the ritzy areas of your hometown. Can you imagine the fun we had and some of the people we were fortunate to sing to? We started off the first year, with a map of the stars homes believe it or not, and after the first 2 years, just started going in some different areas and being surprised at who we might see. My most special memories were singing White Christmas to Bing Crosby and his wife, Dashing thru the Snow to Jimmy Stewart and his wife, Silent Night to Rosemary Clooney, and a couple more you wouldnt believe. We were never invited into a star's home, but some of the 90210 residents did invite us in for coffee or a cookie on occassion. The funniest and most embarrassing time for me, came one year when Stacey forgot to by dripless candles. We always had little candle holders we used and rarely made a mess, but this year, all the wax kept pooling down on our candle holders or in the top's of the candles and someone bumped Jimmy, and he spilled wax all over Lucille Ball's front brick walkway as she and husband Gary Morton watched in a little alcove window above their front door. Jimmy mad a loud "oh damn" in the middle of the song and we all started giggling and stopped and he explained to Lucy what happened. She was very kewl about it and let out one of her own Lucy laughs, it was embarrassing and fantastic all at once. After caroling each year we would pick a place in Beverly Hills, or Hollywood, or somewhere close by for a big dinner and to talk about the night and who we met and just hang out as great friends. We hit Hard Rock Cafe at the Beverly Center, Ed Debevics 50's style diner, Lawry's for Prime Rib, Le Dome, on the Sunset Strip, Hamburger Hamlet in Beverly HIlls, and a few more places. It was one of the best christmas traditions I ever had.


Lucille Ball's House Where we Dripped Wax on Front Walk


So anyway, I am searching to start a new christmas tradition this year, you all have any suggestions?? What are YOUR holiday traditions? Do you do anything fun, exciting, spiritual, goofy, or whatever each and every year? I would love to hear about it. Enjoy blogger friends and readers, I will post as often as I can the next few weeks..........GG

Rainbow Humming Bird on the Butt

My autobiography is available in preorders on Amazon.com
If You wanna be first, who read story about my life, go and order it today.Many people will be angry, after release of this book. Some of them will be frustrated, because they was sure I don't know about somethings or I forget about it.But my memory is still good, and I am still in way of "forgive but don't forget".I cannot wait to keep this book in hands...

Soy To The World !

Finally, we have the definitive answer to what makes someone gay ! Aren't we lucky we have those wacky right-wing religious nuts who have plenty of time on their hands to figure these things out for us ?

Of course this doesn't explain all the gay people born before soy baby formula was common, but if soy makes you gay, then I'm all for it !

[ The following article was posted on the Right Wing Watch website, based on a column from WorldNetDaily. ]

Soy Makes You Gay

Sometimes you just have to marvel at the things published by WorldNetDaily – things such as this column by James Rutz of Megashift Ministries:

There's a slow poison out there that's severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture ….

The dangerous food I'm speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they're all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore.

…

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual." No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can't remember a time when excess estrogen wasn't influencing them.

It is difficult to imagine just what WorldNetDaily’s standard is for rejecting a column or article – but whatever it is, it is apparently set so low that “soy makes you gay” manages to exceed the criteria.

Oral Sex

I must admit like so many other boys I do so like some oral sex heheheh, of course I would prefer if there was a little 69 in the above photos, but hey I will not complain!

Ode To Bruce

One of my heroes.

Subject: "fuckin fags"

Body: "Theres way to many fuckin gay people in this world, and its spreading, its not kool, fuck all that protecting ur rights shit man, its not right to be gay, its fuckin wrong, fuckin faggets, i dont care if this offends u because u offend me by being fruits, messin up human purposes of having what u are given."

This was a bulletin on Myspace by a really good friend of mine.

It's funny how he had a "fuckin' fag" right beside him as a close friend after all these years. He wasn't aware that he'd drink 40oz bottles w/ a person who won't reproduce later in life; oblivious that he'd pull off missions where he'd have to jump gates 'n' run away from the police together w/ a "fruit"; never realized that the person he'd call a "homie" 'n' pick up in his car just to hang out is a person who looks at the same sex that way. It's a shame he's open minded about a lot of things yet narrow on the subject of homosexuality. I think the sense of bein' "offended" comes from the fact that people are still immature to think about two guys fucking each other whenever the word "gay" is brought up. It's people like this that close their mind to the fact that "fuckin' fags" like me have a regular life 'n' cover all of the life sectors, able to grow up w/ straight people, like my good friend.

Here 'n' there, I'd try to tell him that it's alright if there're gay people in this world, but he just sees the stereotypical gay man wantin' to screw another man senseless 'n' nothing else. I've known my friend since the junior high days 'n' we know each other, personality-wise, but he doesn't know my sexual orientation, as it shouldn't be anyone's business in general, although it is somewhat of a burden for people like us to have to face day-to-day assumptions of bein' straight. I bet he'd have a different perspective if I told him I'm gay, but I don't plan on doin' that any time soon. As of right now, I'm worried about the short-term result of him knowin' my sexual preference would hinder our buddy relationship, but what matters the most is if he'll accept me for me, like what he's been doin' for five close years.

Anyone else run into this type of predicament?



-Doug

Waiting For The Dog

B and I have been anxiously awaiting the arrival of our new puppy for weeks now. Maria, a friend of ours, just had some puppies and we have been in the we-want-a-dog mode for some time now. She knew it and gave us first pick. When we saw Bianca initially, all three of us knew that we should be together.

The "Ex" Factor

Funny thing about going out to the clubs with friends. Especially as it is so rare for us, ever since we've been living in the suburbs.

It's one thing when you live in the city. You are so close to everything, relatively speaking. And, since all of your friends live pretty close to you, going out to the bars always seemd so natural and easy...and frequent. Funny, the things one takes for granted.

I always hated the city. It is too busy, noisy, and, depending on the areas, hazardous to one's health. I used to live in the heart of Kansas City. Brookside, then Westport and finally the Plaza area. All three areas were and still are pretty trendy, nicely kept and upscale. An island oasis smack dab in the middle of an otherwise drab sea of cookie cutter areas.

Going out with the gang always seemed to be the perfect break from the everyday Kansas City doldrums. And, as with any gay life in any other city, there are some stories that could be told about our exploits. We never missed a weekend of going out. Not once.

Now that I live the life of a suburbanite, things have really slowed down. Now it's maybe once a month...if that. So, when we do get to meet up with our stalwart crew. As with any gang of friends enjoying a night on the town, we make the most of every minute.

It never fails, though, that something in me kicks in and makes me the one they look to for laughs. Having social anxiety, I tend to use smart-assed comments and dry one-liners as my personal way of warding off the anxiety. Sometimes to my own detriment. I dtill don't like being crammed in a bar where people have to rub their body against mine just to get by. Especially when the crowd is less than...um...attractive. I won't name that bar (they already know who they are) and don't ask me why we still go there.

At this point I should explain that other than the so-called gay satellite bars scattered hither and yon, there are basically four bars that are even worth going to. Kansas City really does have a problem keeping good gay bars for very long. I still haven't figured out why, exactly.

At any rate, we'll be out at one of the four bars and, since bar choices are so few and far between, it is inevitable that you will run into someone you used to be "married" to. I'm not talking about those that you spent one night with and never went out with again. I'm talking about those with whom you really gave it the old college try...and one or both of you flunked out. (for the record, it was always his fault...not mine)(that's my story and I'm sticking to it)

So last night we went out and met our friends. Things were going well and all was normal. I was again entertaining all who came near with my clever reparte and verbally hacking to pieces those who inevitably shame or otherwise embarrass themselves with my range of sight or hearing. I know what you're thinking, "What an asshole. I'd hate to party with him." You couldn't be more wrong...and I'd be the first one to point that out if we ever did party together.>To be fair, those in our group (Steve, Scott, Todd and Tom) are all equally fun, witty and catty. They just aren't as quick on the draw as I am. What can I say? If you want to bark with the big dogs, you can't pee like a puppy.

Then, as is the case every time we go get to go out, my ex's seem to file past. Like it were some bizzare Loser Pride Parade or something. Last nigh, I counted 4 of them.

Note: That might sound like a lot of ex's, but if you're over 30, it's about par.

I used to get the heebie-jeebies when that would happen. Then I passed through that phase of scoping them out to see how fat they've become (and they all have for some odd reason) and what they're either dating now or currently stalking. Now, being older and wiser, I just stand there laughing it up with the gang, looking devilishly handsome, being (to those passing by in the parade) the center of the social universe (we do tend to gather a crowd) and allowing all to revolve around me. Just kidding.

I don't really do all of that.

But I want to.

No, I just play like I don't notice them and let them bask in what they're now missing. Don't call me shallow. You know you've done the same thing.

It never fails, though. At least one of them will eventually muster the courage and make their approach. This has to take some huge balls, because they can obviously see I'm with all of my friends...the very same friends I had when I dated said ex and the same friends who actually told that soon-to-be ex that they were on to his cheating, lying, steling shit and they were going to shake some sense into me and convince me that throwing the bastard out was my only option.

Yup...huge balls...and shiny, I'll wager.

Loser: "Daniel? Hey! I thought it was you." ("thought"...the bastard is still a big fat liar) "How are you? You look so good." (duh!) "How have you been?"

Me: "Oh, just fine." (fighting off the urge to scratch his eyes out and demand he return the shit he stole from me)

Loser: "Aren't you going to ask how I'm doing?" (you gotta give the fucker points for raw nerve)

Me: "How are you doing?" (as if the sloshing of his drink, stale breath and staggering didn't give it away)

Loser: "Fan-fucking-tastic." (there's that clever conversationalist I missed so much)

Me: "Glad you're happy." ( I couldn't give a shit either way. I still wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire)

Loser: "You don't have to act all stuck up, bitch. So, you wanna hook up?" (shiny!!)

Me: "Sure." (that made me feel dirty...I think I threw up a little)

Loser: "Really?!?" (hope springs eternal, I guess)

Me: "No." (loud and uproarious laughter from the gang and fans)

Uber-Loser: "Still a snooty bitch, I see. Your loss." (this is why I have NO regrets in life)

Kansas City really does need more bars.

I can't wait to go out again, though. Maybe that's the allure of going out clubbing for a suburbanite...having a chance to sharpen his/her claws.

The Problem With Italian Men

So not that a video project was enough to put on the proverbial plate, I have also obtained a teaching job with a company based out of Bologna. I am in no way complaining though. Better to have too much work than not enough, I suppose.

thanks....

hey guys...nothing much to post at the moment. this is nate from He Said He Did. thank you for the invite to join this blog. it's an honor. expect something soon. until then...have a beautiful sunday.

ciao from italy...nate.

White Christmas

Go to Starbucks to obtain a copy of their DVD issuance of the movie “White Christmas”, complete with the usual interview and trailer frills, and, a CD of the soundtrack!

Be forewarned. This soundtrack is not literally the soundtrack, but the original studio recording of what was delivered in this 1954 polonium 210-laced ginger house in which I am doomed to dwell for life. The four walls of “White Christmas” are my orphanage, my prison, my asylum, my boyhood home, my aerie, my palace and my sarcophagus.

Rosemary Clooney, under contract to Columbia at the time, was not allowed to do the soundtrack, and was replaced by Peggy Lee. Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye are there, as is Trudy Stevens who was the voice double for Vera-Ellen in the film. PL delivers an imitation of RC so accurate as to make me fish out the liner at several points just to make sure they had not snuck in a bit of RC’s own voice here and there. (Less slavish and highly delectable is PL’s rendition of “Love, You Didn’t Do Right By Me”.)

The other three are glorious in the delivery of one jazzy number after another. In song, they pretend joyfully to climb the post-war American temple steps leading to the civic duty of marriage to a member of the opposite sex. This culminates with a reverential offering of America’s own Forever Song, “White Christmas”.

They are accompanied (sometimes assaulted) by Joseph J. Lilley and his orchestra and vocalists, the sound of whom, as a teenager, could make me literally nauseous. Now, as I hear them merrily chugging alongside the stars, their arrangement makes me simply happy, and nostalgic for a childhood I never really had, and for a country in which none of us ever really lived.

I have always felt uneasy about the fierce fascination I have for this movie. I have tried to hide it over the years, but friends, including one who gave me this original movie poster, could easily read the fact that I become immobile when it is shown on TV.



In the early and giddy days of videocassette, when classics were at last released from the imprisonment of annually scheduled network showings, several gift-wrapped copies of this movie came my way. I soon discovered that my addiction to it could not (unlike chocolate) be happily indulged at home, privately and whenever the mood struck. The tapes gathered dust on top of the VCR.

I needed to come home after dark, flip on the TV, and find that it had inconveniently already started. I needed to turn the TV so that I could prepare dinner while watching. I needed to run to the bathroom or to the washing machine during the commercials. I needed to annoy C by singing along loudly enough to force his attention. I needed to stop whatever I was doing to give my full attention to certain curious scenes that still make me squirm:

a) Crosby, Kay, Clooney and –Ellen make a snow scene out of a napkin and condiments in the club car of a train en route to Vermont.
b) Rosemary Clooney slams the sheet music down on the top of an upright piano saying that she does not like the song, that she won’t sing the song, before briskly walking out of the rehearsal hall.
c) The general gets bad news in the mail and takes up a horseshoe.
d) The housekeeper at the inn, honking into a giant handkerchief, admits that she is a busybody and has listened in on a telephone call.
e) The shot lingering on the face of the General’s granddaughter when she sees him in his uniform.
f) The anorectic Vera-Ellen in a gigantic round rug of a dress placing a hand on Danny Kaye’s thigh while asking him to affirm that she is not exactly unattractive.
g) The long gloves and lightening bolt neckline of the black gown worn by Rosemary Clooney in her post-flight-to-New York solo night club act.

These scenes are deeply etched into my soul’s hard drive whence they color and guide my every utterance and reaction to the world around me, come what may.

Of course, the elephant in any room in which this movie is viewed is its homosexual over and under tones. Danny Kaye is oh so gay in his worshipful “buddy” relationship with Bing Crosby, in his obvious enjoyment of their drag version of “Sisters” and in his recoiling from the advances of Vera-Ellen. One never questions the fact that the General is a sexy unmarried widower who wants to re-enlist. It just seems natural that a man like him should live with other soldiers now that he’s done his civic marital duty. The housekeeper at the inn is a frighteningly mannish thing. Rosemary Clooney’s performance as a man-hater is entirely convincing. There is Vera-Ellen, a weird species unto herself (famous for having the smallest waist in Hollywood) whose mimicry of female sexuality in “Mandy, There’s Minister Handy” still makes my skin crawl a safe distance from the TV screen. Finally, those songs by Irving Berlin. “Gee, how I wish I was back in the army” includes the line “The army was the place to find romance” quickly reeling itself in to mention women in slacks. The “Choreography” number mentions “Queens with routines”. “Sisters” speaks for itself.

Ultimately, there is no such thing as Christmas outside this movie. In its final scenes, in which ballerinas flit in front of a decorated tree on stage at the inn where the two couples have sufficiently but unconvincingly overcome their instincts to Velcro themselves into hetero-coupling, the back walls magically open to reveal a new snowfall traversed by a sleigh. Cue the big song.

At this moment, the viewer should feel warmth of heart. Instead, as a child watching this on TV, I hear my parents in another room, tearing apart their marriage. We feel the grim realities of the 1960’s ripping apart the entrails of 1950’s romance and duty. We imagine Danny Kaye on his knees servicing the General and the two of them talking about it decades later on Oprah. We see in the frightened face of Rosemary Clooney her spiral into emotional undoing followed by years of therapy, obesity and a broken voice hawking Coronet bathroom tissue. Are those Vera-Ellen’s little arms embracing porcelain while practicing the bulimic arts? Have you read what his kids say about Bing?

White Christmas is a strong eggnog of unintentional cinema verity and the grandmother of reality TV set to the gorgeous music of Irving Berlin. What’s not to love? Perfection. Home.

Christmas preparation in Singapore

Christmas oh Christmas,
What do we love about Christmas?
Does our delight reside in things?
Or the feelings in our hearts?

To me,
Christmas is to see and to spend time with those we love,
Those we care about most.
But that will not happen to me this coming Christmas,
I’m alone.
But I am glad that I’ve got friends here,
Friends who bring smiles back to my faces every time I sees them.
And for those who are alone like me,
Celebrate this year’s Christmas with your friends.
Merry Christmas.

*The pictures taken are for the Christmas preparation in Singapore, share some from your country...anyone?*

For Lewis...my story about family

Now I had your typical family. There was a mother, a father, and two older brothers. Mind you...I said HAD and here's the reason behind that....I never felt connected with them really. Sure I love them, but I never felt that connection you're supposed to have with family. Now that I'm older, I hardly hear from Mom, and never really hear anything from my oldest brother...and I haven't spoken with my middle brother in maybe 4 years.

What was it like as a kid? It's all about secrets. Secrets and not talking about things and glossing over the bad stuff. Sweep it under the carpet and don't let the neighbors know! (I know I know...this is supposed to be the positive post but bear with me) That was what I learned growing up. I've heard my mother tell racists jokes that I found offensive. My brothers who simply don't seem to care. My father is now gone 10 years but there were issues there as well. I was raised a Christian and still think that it is a lovely ideology....but I'm a pagan through and through now.

As a kid ya never realize all this stuff though. My earlier memories from say 1st grade is coming home and mom giving me a popsickle and me and my friend Paul playing outside. Yup...that's what we used ta do...play outside hehe. There were the family pictures that only my mother seemed to be interested in. My dad would take us camping. When we were all younger, it was easier somehow. I was ignorant about so much.

They supported me in coming to see me in Choir concerts, going to see the shows I was in during high school (mostly), encouraged me in band when I was in that as well. Typical huh? But what I learned most in retrospect is how I didn't want to be. I didn't drink until I was maybe almost 20 because of that. I actually came out of the closet because I didn't want to be like my dad (yeah...long story). I didn't let myself become convinced that all my problems were based on what my mother had done to me (like my brothers). It's sort of like I was an observer as a kid. I was taking all this in, seeing all the things that were both good an bad and eventually filtering them through.

My parents divorced and I realized something that shocked me. Still makes me sort of sad to think about it. They had to have loved each other at one point. They stayed together until we were all out of school basically. And thanks to them, I think I'm stronger for all of this. Yeah, basically your traditional poorly functional family....but look at who I am now. If it had been any different, I wouldn't be me.

Family is what you make. Family are the people that actually love you and that you love. Family sticks by you no matter what, or how you may mess up. Family talks about the dirty secrets, the mess you've made, praises you when you're elated about something, and chastises you kindly when you're fuckin' up. My blood relatives never seemed to me to honestly do that....so I made my own family, and THEY are the ones that have my love the most.

This is family......

and this is family....

This....

and this.....


amazing how we all look alike isn't it?

"Love Can't Replace a Mother and a Father" and Other Drivel

Okay now, kids, you'd better hold me back. I know there are those who thought that my earlier post More Hypocrisy of the Well Known Saints was a little harsh and that I expressed a little bit of anger over the Ted Haggard deal (you should see the Christian-tongue-lashing email I received from a past acquaintance....I'll post it sometime). But I'm going crazy, again. Uncle Lewis (Daddy Lewis to some of you) is quickly coming unglued. What the @#$%^&* is the (unconditional, loving Christian woman) Carrie Gordon Earll (who works for the infamous Focus on the Family and is good friends with the Ted Haggard of "I want to be a good Christian pastor, bash gays, and buy drugs and sleep with gay escorts on the side" fame) talking about? You can find the whole article here. After taking a Maalox and grabbing a bucket for puking in, follow me through some of her quotes:She expressed empathy for the Cheney family. Pardon me? "Empathy" for a family who is expecting a child, a grandchild? Maybe she's confused. Sweetie, they're not getting a fatal illness, rat infestation, or jar of peanut butter in their home....they're getting a beautiful, brand new baby. Maybe try "happiness" or "joy" or one of those more well-received and appropriate adjectives. Empathy is what we express to those who call you a friend. (Ouch, I know.)She also depicted the newly announced pregnancy as unwise. I guess when I think of "unwise," I think of (oh, should we do the short or long list here??) allowing children to be born into heterosexual homes that don't take care of them, don't feed them, abuse them, beat them, do drugs with them in the home, drink in front of them. We could go on to wars that our good Christian nation started on purpose, harboring pedophiles in the name of the church, and not taking a stronger stance on the ills growing inside the church in our world today. Those things are, quite clearly, unwise.And finally, the title track of today's post: Love can't replace a mother and father. Shame that she has now bashed thousands (millions?) of wonderful children who grew up in same-sex parent homes. Maybe we could arrange lunch with Ms. Earll to quickly remind her of the mothers and fathers, dare I say even inside of her own organization, that have not wanted their children, have hated their children, and have slapped and molested their children. Oh yeah, love surely can't replace a heterosexual mother and father who don't want the children they have. And this is where you, my readers, come in. I would like to hear your stories about growing up in homes that weren't "normal, standard" homes. Maybe a single parent, maybe same-sex parents, maybe no parents at all. Or how about grandparents or neighbors raising you? There are plenty of children being raised today by people who aren't their father or mother. Let's hear it! Ms. Earll needs to hear it, apparently. I'm sorry, what was the name of the organization that she represents again......I thought it was Focus on the Family....but it doesn't sound like it's fulfilling it's purpose. Yes, I'm angry, outraged and fired up. No apologies here, kids. I'm mad.After you post your story here, I encourage you to take a look at Ms. Earll's press site and then write or call her office. She needs to hear your story. Oh, say, while you're on her site, pay close attention to the slug line Nurturing and Defending Families Worldwide. Huh? Say what?

We're having a baby ...

So ... Vice President Dick Cheney's out lesbian daughter is pregnant (from an unknown source) and will be having a baby with Heather Poe, her lesbian partner of 15 years.

Let that sink in a little. A little more, now. Are we ready to think a little more?

She and her partner live in Virginia. A state that has passed some of the most vehement anti-gay laws ever, especially (and most recently) against gay marriage.

In the state that they live in, Mary and her partner will have no legal rights as a couple. Even by jumping through the legal hoops and setting up wills, Durable Power of Attorney contracts for financial management (witnessed by at least two people and notarized), Delegation of Authority contracts (also notarized), and Durable Power of Attorney Contracts for Health Care (also witnessed by at least two people and notarized), which is the least that Scott and I have to go through in the State of Washington (at our own expense) to cover our asses as life partners, Mary and her partner will still possibly have no legal access to each other or even joint finances in the event of one's medical emergency or death. Mary's partner will have absolutely no legal access to "their" child. She cannot legally adopt it. If Mary passes on, her partner will most likely have to give the child up to the state for adoption. As the law sees it (and I am certainly no expert, but if I am incorrect please tell me where I should get more information), Mary is basically a single mother with a baby being born out of wedlock and no one else (except perhaps Dick and Lynne?) has claim to anything that Mary has earned, loved, or given birth to. No one. Not even with legal documents that she may have to pay for (with her own hard-earned money, of course) to show that she, in a sound state of mind and body, shared with her partner of fifteen years the desire to love each other, take care of each other, hope upon oh-please-dear-god-let-us-be-blessed-with-a-wanted-child hope that they could raise a family because it's what they want and believe in and have a heartbreakingly acute desire to bring an actual beloved child into the world instead of oops-I'm-pregnant-oh-well-there's-always-welfare-here's-another-potentially-abused-welfare-kid-for-the-country-to-take-care-of-but-not-me ...

Let's let that sink in a little, shall we?

I know that not every unplanned child becomes an abused welfare statistic. I know that many children born out of wedlock are still wanted and loved and very well cared for. I know that many people in the situation of an unplanned pregnancy, where they cannot give the child a fair start in life (and one doesn't have to be raised in a wealthy home), make the extremely brave and unselfish and supremely loving decision to give their child up for adoption.

I also know that in the neighborhood where I live, there are a lot of single unwed teenaged mothers who do not have the means, either emotionally or financially or in any way, to raise a child ... well, I've seen my share of innocent children getting yelled at, slapped or worse because the parents are not ready or even willing to be parents, whether married or even together in any way or not, enough to know in the deepest part of my heart that if someone truly wants a child, to love and raise and guide and nurture and have what is best for them to the best of their abilities with no sacrifice too great, should not be denied the ability and the right to do what is, well, the right thing to do. To love and cherish and help and guide a child into becoming an educated, thoughtful, sympathetic, well-rounded adult member of our society.

So yes, I think that Mary and Heather should have this child. They should love it and help it and should have absolutely no encumberance to its' growth and life that any straight couple would not have to endure. But will that be the case? Will they have to move to another state to have this available to them? Should they have to? Will the path somehow be paved more evenly for them due to Mary's political "clout"? And if it is ... what of everyone else who struggles against the bigotry that has been voted for by the people in whatever state they reside? Should Mary's choice to have a child be made any easier, or should she and Heather have to deal with what every other gay child-loving couple in the country has to put up with?

What will be the reaction from her parents, from the White House, from the country? Will this make a difference, or be swept oh-so-conveniently under the rug?

And I am purposefully not commenting at all on my individual feelings about Mary Cheney. That's not the issue here.

I would love to have children. Scott would love to, more than I would. I'm worried that we're too old, that I don't have the patience, that it would be too hard and unfair and we can't afford to do it right and that maybe the rest of the country and the world is right. It's exhausting, mentally and physically and emotionally, and I wish more people in the world would go through similar anguish before bringing another child into this world. But if a couple, or a single person, goes through that anguish and still wants to have a child for the right reasons ... I want them to be able to have full support to do so.

So bless you and good luck, Mary and Heather. I hope upon neverending hope that this makes a difference - not just in your lives, but in everyone's lives. Whether you wanted it or not, you have thrust your lives and your upcoming parenthood into a spotlight. Don't let any of us down.

A debate on a debate? Huh???

You'll never believe what I'm doing right now, I'm actually watching the Canadian House of Commons debate on weather or not we should have a debate on the same sex marriage law. A debate to have a debate or not, what a waste of money and time. I am pretty sure the law is here to stay and even the people who suggested we talk about it really don't want to get into it again. The law has been passed and it has been in place for a while now, it's not going anywhere so why are we wasting so much time and money on it. Politically it would be suicide for any party to change the law and no one will risk that. If you're not from Canada or you are and don't know the gay marriage law was passed in a bad way. Don't get me wrong I'm glad it was, but the way they went about it was sneaky and is the cause for today's debate on a debate. The former government who was responsible for the law passing basically told all its members that they have no choice but to vote for the law and then waited until most of the opposing members went home for the day and pushed the law through. Yay for gay rights but it's not so great for the legitimacy of the law, because of this the question of the legitimacy will be raised over and over. I'm ashamed to say this because of the possible results but I think if we ever want to feel secure in the fact that queers in Canada can be married we do need a real debate on the issue. One where members of parliament are free to vote as they see fit and no sneaky tactics. I feel comfortable in the idea of a debate because I believe Canada is a forward thinking country with the greatest respect for human rights. We've always been more liberal then our neighbours to the south and I think the fact that people around the world admire Canada for it's gay marriage laws would make it impossible for them to change it. If by chance we do end up in a debate on weather or not queers should marry I expect all Canadians to stand up and say yes. Ok well maybe not all Canadians we have our fair share of hillbillies as well lol. A debate is what we need and a free vote like a democratic government should be, then we can finally put this issue to rest and shut those homophobes up for good.

Yesterday's Word of the Day: INTEGRITY

" That took a lot of integrity to do that," my therapist said as he smiled a little. "If anything, you get to walk away unblemished."

"Really, you think so? I personally think it's foolish... I shouldn't have done that."

"No, I don't agree. Not many people would even consider sending an email of an apology to someone like that. And the fact that you did... that took, well, integrity."

*****************

I don't know why I still see my therapist. It's been over five years since I started and I was pretty much emotionally stable three years later after I dealt with the end of my engagement, finally admitting I liked guys, the events surrounding 9/11 (and no, that's not a crutch), and the death of my best friend Tom (who died over 15 years ago). And spread therein were conversations about the guys I dated (some assholes, some supernice but ultimately incompatible, and some, well, I dunno).

But for one fucked up reason, one ex keeps popping his head back up... Was it because we shared a therapist so I knew his psychosis was understood (I introduced the two and my ex ended up going to him too... Yeah, it was a wee bit of a conflict, I know)? Or was it because of something I already figured out a while ago but still hadn't come to grips with till last night - that I was transferring physical traits of my dead friend onto him (almost like I was bringing him back to life)? Or... Or...

Who the fuck cares? He's out of my life and I'm done with him. And I hold no anger towards him anymore... In fact, I hold no feelings for him whatsoever. I really really don't.

*************************

"So, tell me then, why did you send that email apology to him," my therapist asked.

"Well, I saw him at the bar - only the second time in six months - and I said to my friend Gitsie, 'Leave that loser alone'. He didn't deserve that. I haven't had any contact with him in six months so I have no clue what his story is these days, and frankly, I don't care."

"So then why did you send an apology?"

"I dunno... I just felt bad. I just needed to clear my conscience. I'll probably never hear back from him, but who cares. As long as I know I sent that email and apologized, I can move forward and walk away. I don't need any negativity following me."

"Well, that was really big of you," he said, obviously avoiding the phrase 'it took a lot of integrity.' But I knew he meant it.

And I meant it too. Life's too short to leave a negative legacy with anyone... As long as I know I tie my loose ends and have my closure, I can keep coasting... Did that take 'integrity'? Who knows and who cares? I sure don't... I just know I'm really starting to get tired of that word.

Juppi!!!!

Hallelujah...after 6 moth of hard work, I finished my book.
"Rainbow Humming bird on the bottom" is my autobiography. I was writing this in polish since June. Now it has 186 pages and I send it to professional translator. It will be in shops probably in next year.
Now I have more time for making photos, and writing about Poland, and Polish situation.
Keep fingers up for me please :)

Letter across the Atlantic…

Hello dear blogger friends of IRM and readers!

Well, the truth is I just couldn't resist such a kind invite, even if I had asked Jon Cox for some more time until I could be sure of how much time I can dedicate to blogging in the next future. But he wrote:

"Please Join Us! Thank you so much for your wonderful comments and e-mails! They are all greatly appreciated!"

Such gentle words were more than enough to move me… So here I am! And I must tell you all that I do feel quite honoured in making part of this project. I can only hope I can rise to the occasion and post as often as I like, at least until Christmas.

I live on the "other" side of the Atlantic, so please excuse me for any mistakes my British English I've learned at school may show. I am rather careful, but that's definitely never good enough when you're dealing with a foreign language. My hometown is Lisbon, Portugal – place yourself in NYC, start moving eastwards across the Atlantic, and you'll end up landing in Lisbon. There's no way you can miss it!

On my blog – De Viris Pulchris et Alii (On Beautiful Men & Other) – you'll find some sets of photos of Lisbon. I think it's a nice way for you all to get to know one of the most ancient European capitals. According to a legend, it was founded by Ulysses…

As to myself, I'm a rather curious guy. Although I've been a teacher for the last twenty years or so, what I've really always been in my life is a learner, a pupil, a student, a restless, inquisitive mind. I guess that's why I'm right here now…

Once again, thank you all so very much! Feel free to ask questions – "no question is ever indiscrete, but an answer can be", says an ancient adage from around here. I'll be most pleased to satisfy your curiosity as well as I can.

My best wishes to you all! I'll be back as soon as I can. It's a promise!

Ricardo

NOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING...

Well who is ready for Christmas? I love this time of year because the feeling of tradition is in the air. However this year I have broke a little tradition and have decided not to exchange gifts. In place, I asked all my friends if they would like to spend a nice evening enjoying each others company. It doesn't always have to be about the gifts, and I am trying to make that point this year. I think it should be about the friendships, and enjoying the holiday spirit, and not worrying if you got the right gift for someone. I feel it takes away from how things could really be. My friends agreed and I think it will work out just fine. I am so VERY excited to be able to spend a little bit of this season in NYC visiting my friend Eddie. I think this is going to be what I need. It is the quintessential Christmas to see Rockefeller Center, and Macy's decorated and perhaps a little snow. Now are you spending your holiday?

Ummm... Clown porn?

"Wait, is that what I think it is," Daryl asked me as he pointed to the TV screen.

"Well, yeah, but why the hell are they playing that... here?"

"I dunno... normally they have hot bear porn on the TV screen... but why are they playing this clown movie?"

****************

Daryl and I had gone to one of our main hangouts, the Eagle, last night... and after watching a pretty grody fisting movies ("Did you see that???? He had TWO fists from TWO different people in his bum!!! And one of them was wearing a RING!!!!"), the screen went blank and then there he was.... Ouchy the Clown.

At first, he was in the make-up room, putting on his face... It was bizarre... One minute: greased-up gloved hands... the next: greased-up clown face.

But then this clown movie took on a surreal turn... Fucking, sucking, fisting, jerking, twisting, you name it... in clown makeup!

Now, I know there's a huge spectrum of fetishes and random turn-ons... but clowns?

Frankly, I'd think it'd be rather funny if a clown went down on me... and then seeing the subsequent Shroud of Turin-like imprint on my tummy and thighs. But would it be a turn-on? It'd be pure comedy, I'm sure... I think.

Thankfully, a very cute Brazilian boy started chatting me up and then shoved his tongue in my mouth soon enough to distract me from Ouchy.

Now, that wasn't funny... that was hot... and better yet, I got his number. Let's just hope he doesn't know how to juggle.

When HIV Strikes Close to Home

As the city bus pulled away from the curb the rain continued. Gray, wet, constant. We sat toward the back, on the left side. Me, here in this city I knew a few things about from my numerous visits, and him, a friend I'd known for only a year or two. Always a smile. Always up. Everyone knew him. "Oh yea, he's a great guy," they would all say. And he was, that's for sure. I had seen him earlier that same day in the office with several of our mutual friends. I had walked into a closed-door meeting and noticed that a couple of them had maybe been crying or something. Definitely a meeting for some particular reason but I didn't give it too much more thought. I just knew that I'd come for a visit with him....and boy was I happy. You know those people you really enjoy being around? That's the kind of feeling I had when I had packed my bags for the trip early that morning. And now, with no car, we were on the #12 Sandy Boulevard bus on our way to his apartment in downtown. I really liked it here. Rained a lot. But it sure was pretty. Everything green, lots of flowers, and not so cold in the winter time. He said he had something to tell me. Okay. We had just returned a week or so earlier from a great time in Mexico with eleven of our closest friends. Cabo San Lucas. All thirteen of us at a resort that was getting ready to close. So there were no other guests at the resort, just us. I can't remember if it was the first or second day when we turned the pool area into a clothing-optional area. But we did. He said that he had been to the doctor and had some blood work taken. The results were not good. HIV, he said. "Do you know what that is?" Nope, I didn't know that much about it. I mean, I knew what it was. But certainly no one I knew had it. Oh, but they did....he did. And he was in the painful process of telling his friends. You see, on this Mexico trip, we had become much better friends than we had been. I had been divorced earlier that year and he was nearing the end of a not-so-good 12-year relationship. We had become close. So close that we were now going to spend the week together at his place. And now he was telling me what? HIV? I was ignorant, knew very little. But I knew it wasn't good. And I knew that I was now crying, my head turned and staring through the fogged-up window of the bus as we splashed our way down the road. And then, the words that still ring in my ears......interesting because I can't totally recall exactly what they were.....but the heavy emotion behind them hits me like a ton of bricks even today. Was it "Will you still be my friend?" or was it "Do you still want to keep on having this relationship with me?" It felt, for that one fleeting second of time hanging in the air, like he was on one planet and me on another......miles, universes, apart. Space and major distance. I could feel him separating himself from the rest of "us." Those without HIV on one side and those who didn't have it on the other side. I could tell that he had struggled to bring himself to even deal with it let alone the fight to tell others that, at some point, he'd been exposed to one of the world's worst plights.....and now it was his plight.....and now he was trying to reach across what seemed like miles of inky, murky distance and grab onto my hand of friendship. It was a dark moment in my life. But at the same time, I reached right back. He needed the hand and I needed to extend it. Of course I'd still be his friend. Who cares what he had. I mean, my dad had died of Lou Gehrig's disease. My god, that was a living hell to go through. I'd had many cancers in my family, suicide, multiple sclerosis, alcoholism. Those were the times that we drew together, not separated. And this should be no different. I don't think I had any idea of what I was truly saying or doing that day.....but I thought I did. You know those surreal times when everything seems to happens all at once. Decisions are being made and words are being said at rapid rates of speed. I just knew that, as sad as I was and as nervous and scared as he was, that we needed to be friends and hold on tight. Sort of like when a hurricane or tornado is coming....head for the cellar, all together......one. The road has been bumpy, up and down, crazy at times. But it was that day that started it all. Fear of rejection on his face and in his voice. And my weak struggling words "Of course I'll be your friend." I reached out and, for the very first time ever, pulled his hand and mine together.....down between the two of us where it was warm, dry, and safe. I knew it was time to draw together and not be apart. That's what friendships are all about. For healing and not for hurt.

Remember

For World AIDS Day, you can light a candle to help raise money for AIDS research.
You can do this online at my friend Brad's blog.

I had already lit a candle this morning, here in my shop, to remember my friend Jeff.

Jeff entered my life in that time after college, and before I met Lee.
He was the greatest platonic love of my life.
We were more than friends, but never lovers.
Sisters, is what he called us.
Sisters of the heart.

I try to remember the best parts of him. His heart as big as all outdoors, his smartass comments, he shared with me his love for The Pet Shop Boys and the Patti LuPone Evita Soundtrack.
One night, he took me to see Gypsy at a theatre in Lexington (we lived in Cincinnati) and he played The Pet Shop Boys Discography album over & over. We couldn't get enough of it.
I remember the drive back, with me falling asleep -- my head on his shoulder, and him singing along to our "Boys".
In the hospital, he would stand in front of his window, wearing his flimsy hospital gown and his Walkman, singing along with Evita. That hospital window was his balcony of the Casa Rosada.
When he got to the lyrics:
"Oh what I'd give for a hundred years!
But the physical interferes
Every day, more -- O my creator!
What is the good of the strongest heart
In a body that's falling apart?
A serious flaw -- I hope you know that..."

I would break down in tears.
But Jeff told me not to cry for him. He said he lived a fun, full life.
He had full-blown AIDS when I met him, and he never let me have pity or sadness for him.
He was a serious party boy, who loved leather, but he was also the most romantic person ever. His last spring, he cut all the iris in his garden and brought them to me -- literally, an arm-full. Iris are my favorite flower, and they are extra special now, because I can't see one without remembering that extravagant gesture of love that he gave to me.

Now, at 39, I am older than he was when he crossed the Rainbow Bridge.
When he died, I did cry -- for days. Tears of anger at this horrible disease, and for it taking such a lovely man away from me and from this world.
Every time I sing along in the car to our Boys or to Evita, I remember him.
Today, I lit a candle for him, to remember.
I always will remember, Jeff. I love you, sister of my heart.

Hand Me My Headscarf

... and a hand grenade.

Your 'Do You Want the Terrorists to Win' Score: 100%

You are a terrorist-loving, Bush-bashing, "blame America first"-crowd traitor. You are in league with evil-doers who hate our freedoms. By all counts you are a liberal, and as such clearly desire the terrorists to succeed and impose their harsh theocratic restrictions on us all. You are fit to be hung for treason! Luckily George Bush is tapping your internet connection and is now aware of your thought-crime. Have a nice day.... in Guantanamo!

Do You Want the Terrorists to Win?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

This was really funny, and clearly created by someone on my side of the political fence. Have fun ...

World AIDS Day!!

For the last 18 years Blogger Friends and readers, December 1st has been commemorated as World AIDS Day. A day to make a difference, talk about our policies, renew our commitment, and getting this disease under control. The theme for World AIDS Day 2006 is ACCOUNTABILITY!!


In 2000, heads of state made a promise to halt and begin to reverse the spread of AIDS by 2015. New reports by UNAIDS and the World Health Organization (WHO) indicate that, as of 2006, the epidemic continues to spread in every region of the world. By now more than 65 million people have been infected with HIV and well over 25 million people have died of AIDS since 1981, 2.9 million in 2006 alone. At this rate, the WHO predicts that in the next 25 years another 117 million people will die, making AIDS the third leading cause of death worldwide. With “accountability” the theme of this World AIDS Day on 1 December, campaigners across the globe are calling leaders to account not just for good intentions, but for action to make those promises a reality.



“AIDS is the biggest challenge humanity has had to deal with,” says van Soest. More than the technical problem of developing drugs and making sure they are delivered, AIDS “is related to all the taboos and vulnerabilities that affect all our societies” he states. “AIDS challenges us more than any other infectious disease.” In the face of the overwhelming complexity and rampant stigma that surround AIDS, failed promises have become the norm. The change that is desperately needed is radical, but also shockingly simple. In his World AIDS Day message, Kofi Annan, secretary-general of the United Nations, perhaps said it best: “Accountability — the theme of World AIDS Day on Friday — requires every president and prime minister, every parliamentarian and politician, to decide and declare that "AIDS stops with me."



Don't have enough information on AIDS? Afraid of what you might find out? Not sure where to go to get all of the facts or to get Tested? Follow this link to KNOWHIVAIDS.org and get most of your questions answered. You owe it not only to yourself and your health, but to your sexual partners health and the people that love you.



Looking for ways that YOU can help fight HIV/AIDS?? Check out some of these places that have dedicated themselves to finding a cure and making the disease more livable with until the cure is found.

International HIV/AIDS Alliance

HelpStopAIDS.Com


Fight AIDS At Home

Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS

Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation

Elton John AIDS Foundation

Until There's A Cure Foundation

AMFAR