Warm Heart From a Thousand Hugs

I can't emphasize enough how thankful I am for friends that accept me for me. It never gets old when someone tells me that they don't care whether I'm gay or not, just as long as I'm still me. Coming out to friends that I've known since my junior high days is even becoming easier, though a bit shocking for them. One particular time I came out to a friend, who I know that tends to clown a lot 'n' bashes gay people, actually told me: "If anyone talks sh*t 'bout you bein' gay, let me know, so I'll whup they ass." It means a lot coming from someone who was once uncomfortable being around queer folks has my back, b/c we've "known each other for too long" for him to turn HIS back on ME.

I wasn't expecting a lot companionship when I first came out. I've always wanted to be so discreet that I've actually felt uncomfortable around other gay people that I knew of. I was actually bothered by the fact that I was known to be gay by another guy w/ the same orientation, b/c I'd think it was awkward knowing that there's a higher chance of a sexual attraction compared to bein' w/ a straight guy. But on the contrary, I've GAINED friends who happen to be gay w/ NO sexual intentions at all. This is relatively new to me, b/c I've never had peers to talk about 'n' share similar experiences, ESPECIALLY when it came to the topic of sex (I'd love to share it w/ you guys - the readers - but I don't think I'm comfortable enough to share my sex life publicly on the internet). Having friends to talk about like paths - as far as being gay goes - in a similar pace, in which we could pass on knowledge to each other from recent experiences is just as exciting as talking to my friends my age when I grew my first pubic hair. These friends I've grown w/ a genuine bond has seriously, 'n' still is, making this whole coming out adventure very easy for me.

I've yet to tell any of my immediate family members, though, but that'll come in time. Like I said before, me having a girlfriend or any children in the future is the LEAST of my family's concern. They've prioritized my education 'n' having a successful career in life over my sex life, 'n' I can't love 'em enough how much they care about what's really important for me, not what turns me on or gets me off.

But I can't forget about this blog 'n' the interactive readers that have helped me along the way. It was the dialogue between me 'n' myself, 'n' you guys 'n' I that established the courage for me to come out into the real world. So, I guess I gotta thank the internet for the little jumpstart. Seriously, I'd love to meet each 'n' every one of you all 'n' build a stronger relationship between us. I don't find meeting people on the internet as weird as I looked at it before after watching pedophiles on TV nab their victims by using the internet as their kidnapping trap. I believe I've grown enough of good judgment to not get kidnapped by an internet phony...

It's relationships like these that makes me appreciate 'n' differentiate those who matter the most to the plastic bottles who you thought had love for you; they either love you for who you are, or don't, 'n' the faster you realize who matters to you the most makes you realize who will stay in your past or move on w/ you in your future.

As I type this whole post, I have a sincere smile on my face just thinking about the individuals who inspired me to write this.

How to find out if your husband is gay!

I happened across a frankly ridiculous article on ABC News. It discusses gay men who are in marriages with heterosexual women and interviews Bonnie Kaye, the author of Is He Gay? A Checklist of Women Who Wonder. In her book, Kaye helpfully included The Gay Husband Checklist, which lists ways for women to detect whether or not their husband is gay:

If your husband thinks you are a nymphomaniac or "pushy and aggressive" because you want sex twice a week.

If sexual activity steeply declines within the first few years of marriage.

You're always more sexually aggressive than your husband.

If your husband is turned off by the thought of touching your vaginal area or performing oral sex on you.

If his best friend is gay.

If he hangs out in gay bars.

If he enjoys watching gay porn movies and surfing gay porn Web sites.

If he is excessively homophobic, mocking and imitating other gay men.

If he brags about gay men complimenting him on his looks.

No shit, sherlock.

By the way, I think she forgot the getting home and finding your husband in bed with another man's cock up his bum. That one's always a dead giveaway.

Age Appropriate

English goalkeep David James writes about gays in professional football

English goalkeeper David James wrote an excellent article in The Observer about gays in professional football. You can read the full article at your leisure, but one of the funniest parts is when he says that "a senior executive in football said to me he wished all the gay footballers would come out so we could just get on with it. I find that view refreshing. In marketing terms they could make a fortune. Just imagine, football's first gay couple playing for rival teams, arguing about offside decisions over the dinner table. They would do Hello! magazine, chatshows, advertisements."

There are lots of rumours about gay footballers in England. Just a couple I recall were about pop star Will Young and a certain Chelsea player. Then there was the infamous mobile phone up the bum rumour about Ashley Cole which led to legal action.

James ends the article with the following observation: "I have a number of gay friends and although they wouldn't want me shouting from the rooftops about their sexuality, I'd like to encourage them to come out. I accept that it's easy for me to say that, but how many more years will it be before we can talk openly about gay men playing professional football? From next season homophobic chanting is outlawed, which is a start. It'll still take some sort of new age hero to be the first to come out, but I just hope, for football's sake, that it happens soon."

Age Appropriate

Father of the Year

Note to self: the next time Alec Baldwin calls—pick up the phone! The man loathes voicemail…

A lot is being made over this Alec Baldwin yelling at his kid. Didn’t any of these critics have parents? Were none of them subjected to a rant from a parent where mom or dad went a little bonkers, yelling at them? What Ireland was subjected to was not child abuse, but childhood.

Every time my parents sat down with me to discuss something, I would secretly wish they would just scream and get it over with. Yelling lasted only a few minutes, discussions, however, lasted for an eternity.

My parents did not yell much; they were not screamers. However, if I really f’d up? There would be yelling, of that I could be assured. (Something tells me that Ireland has pulled the phone stunt on daddy a few times before.)

What my parents did not do was yell at me in front of other people. Whenever I would be at a friend’s house and their mom would start screaming at them, my fight-or-flight instinct would kick in*. There I was, heading for the door, with my buddy pleading, “Stay! Stay! For the love of God, she’s going to skin me alive!” Which only made me move to the door faster: Sorry, buddy, but if she’s going to threaten to kill her only son, what his she going to do to the kid down the street she can’t stand?

Two rules of parenting: no scars** and no witnesses. Don’t hit your kid in public, give them “the look”, or say, “Now see here!” and wait until you get home. Because we all know that what happens behind your well-manicured front yard, stays behind your well-manicured front yard. Sadly, for Alec, we are all witnesses.

Parents yell. Parents shout. Parents get to treat their kids in a way they would never treat a stranger. It’s called family. You yell, you insult, you tease… and then you forgive because you love each other.***

I’m not saying that what Alec did was right; I’m saying we’ve all ranted and been ranted at. We’ve all said things we wish we hadn’t, but those moments aren’t caught on tape.

In my book, bad parenting is putting that information out on the web and publicly involving your child in what should be your private custody dispute. That, boys and girls, is abuse.





*I always opt for flight... it's how I roll...
**Emotional scaring does not apply—otherwise, what’s the point of being a parent?
***Or because YOU want to stay in The Will and THEY don’t want you to put them in a lousy nursing home.

Playing for the Other Team - three gay athletes speak out

There was an excellent article recently in Radar by Jack E. Jett about gay athletes. Former NBA playerJohn Amaechi, former NFL playerEsera Tuaolo and former baseball playerBilly Bean all discuss their experiences in their different sports as closeted gay athletes and homophobia in the locker room. Each of them only came out publicly after retiring.


Tuaolo makes the following comment: "I know we're yearning for somebody to come out while they're still playing. But what has to happen is there needs to be a lot more education out there before a player can come out and be comfortable being himself, because there's so much to lose. People don't realize that. A majority of these athletes playing professional sports come from poor families. It's not like we come from silver spoons. That pro sports career is the only shot at financial security. It's just one of those things where there's so much to lose if an individual comes out."


Of course, that's the main point that Jack E. Jett and the three former players make: "No player has yet to come out while still active." But Jett also states that when John Amaechi came out recently, "it was only the sixth time that a former pro athlete admitted to being gay". Don't you just hate the use of the word admitted? It always seems to me to be pejorative when used in this particular context.

A recent poll by Sports Illustrated has some interesting results, mostly mixed. For example, most people agree that Americans are more accepting of gays in sports today than they were twenty years ago and that it's OK for gay athletes to participate in sports, even if they are open about their sexuality. However, they also say that it would hurt an athlete's career to be openly gay and, most shockingly, that positive portrayals of gay athletes in the media may encourage children to become gay!

The results of such polls reveal a very confused and mixed response to homosexuality. On the one hand, an attempt to be accepting and liberal. On the other, people who are fearful and reactionary. I guess that we can all relate to this in the every day responses we get in our day to day lives.

Age Appropriate

Signs of Spring (04)

Rhododendron "Unique" She has pink buds, but when they open, the pink evaporates into creamy white.

Need A Laugh ?

I know I do. After a long day (or week) at work, seemingly endless bad news on TV or the web, and a winter that doesn't want to end (at least where I live), I need something funny as a distraction. So today I surfed around the 'net and found some comics to read. In particular--gay comics !
On a site called "The Gay Comics List" there are links to numerous online comics that should tickle your funny bone. Two I enjoyed are "The Gay Monsters" and "Queer!", but there are many others which should please whatever your taste in humor might entail.
And don't miss page 2 on The Gay Comics List, because that's where the links to 'erotic' gay comics are located ! Also many links to gay illustration and art sites.
So if you need a laugh, or you're trapped inside on a rainy, snowy day (as I was today), or just bored, check out some of the many comics available on the internet.

Married Couple

"Married Couple" 15" x 30" x 3" Copperleaf and Acrylic on Canvas Merrily, Tony de Carlo

SIGN THE 'ERASE HATE' PETITION

I just came from an important press conference with Senator Kennedy and Senator Smith where they announced that they have renamed the The Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act (LLEHCPA) with the "Matthew Shepard Bill" in honor of my son, Matthew. This is a very important day for me and for all Americans.

There is still a lot of work to be done! I am asking for your help in working to pass this bill which will prove to be one of the most essential pieces of Federal anti-hate legislation to date.

The Matthew Shepard Bill marks a very critical moment for erasing hate in our society. Although it is long overdue, this is one of the most essential building blocks to ensuring that we all have equal rights as Americans.

This Action Alert is made up of four very important actions that are necessary for us to create a strong voice on ERASING HATE. Whether it is for Matthew or for the thousand of victims of other violent hate crimes that have taken place over the years, I urge everyone to make the passage of this bill a top priority.
1) Be sure to be well educated on the bill

2) Sign the Petition

3) Pass it on to everyone you know by using the Erase Hate Petition E-Card

4) Contact your leaders including your Representatives, Senators and the President


Thank you so much for your help in Replacing Hate with Understanding, Compassion & Acceptance!

Judy Shepard

I got an email from Judy last night and I wanted to put it on here so we can help her help us so please take the time and sign the petition.

Thanks Ryan

Big Changes At This Site

Many former contributors to this site have been removed as of today because we did not hear from you via email that you wished to stay on as a contributor. We're trying to clean up this site, give it a big boost, remove those who no longer wish to be a part, and add those who desire to be able to contribute. If you no longer see your name on the contributor list and you still wish to be, please email alewispdx@gmail.com and I will get you added back on. Please, no "anonymous" postings or contributor names. If you know of those who would like to be active contributors, please let me know. If any of you were removed in error, I sincerely apologize....just let me know and I'll send you a new invitation.

It's time for this site to be kicked up a notch, refreshed, and revived. Post your best posts, let us know information that we all need to know, and have a good time while doing it.

Another Murder... just for being gay

Last month, Ryan Keith Skipper was stabbed and left for dead on the side of the road in Wahneta, FL. Why? According to The Lakeland Ledger, it's alleged that it was because he was gay.

It sucks to see that even though we've made strides in mainstream acceptance, there are still crimes and murders committed because of who we are.

I will admit that I rarely ever worry about who I am when I go out... Being in NYC where tolerance (to think that we are "tolerated" is still insulting) is rather high, there is still a very real danger from closeminded bigots and ignorant asses. Just last year, Kevin Aviance was gaybashed in the East Village, an area that I hung out in last night. It's not uncommon to hear "Fags" or "fuckin' cocksucker" mumbled under strangers' breath as they walk by some of my more flamboyant friends.

Hopefully one day, tolerance will turn into full-on acceptance. But until there, I guess we'll have to settle with being "tolerated".

For a good cry, go to his MySpace page and read the comments his friends are leaving him. It's heartbreaking.

Signs of Spring (03)

Rhododendron "Vibrant Violet" Rhododendron "Gletschernacht" Now the mid season small leafed violets are opening up. These two have different species in their linage but open up around the same time. Both are a lovely and gay violent color.

From Me & Mikey 2 Ya'll

Disney offers Gay Wedding packages at their resorts and cruises, religious groups up in arms about it!

Interesting article from Reuters about the Walt Disney Co. which has changed its policy to allow same-sex couples to participate in a popular Fairy Tale Wedding program it runs mainly at its two U.S. resorts and cruise line. Disney Parks and Resorts spokesman Donn Walker said "we are updating our Fairy Tale Wedding guidelines to include commitment ceremonies.. This is consistent with our policy of creating a welcoming, respectful and inclusive environment for all of our guests."

Now, I'd never thought about having my gay wedding at Disney before, but after reading about what's on offer, I'm kinda tempted. "The Lavish Wedding Option also includes a ride to the ceremony in the Cinderella coach, costumed trumpeters heralding the couple's arrival, and attendance by Mickey and Minnie Mouse characters dressed in formal attire." Sure sounds like a hoot to me!

Predictably, conversative religious types are up in arms about it, including the Southern Baptist Convention, who have accused the company of promoting a gay agenda and previously arranged boycotts of Disney due to their regular Gay Day celebrations.

I posted about this story because, although it may seem like just yet another dumb story, I think it's important in its own way. Equality can be found in surprising places and I think it's great that a family oriented big business like Disney is willing to stand up against homophobic pressure from conservative religious groups and promote equality for all of us.

Age Appropriate

If you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear fresh flowers in your hair!

As Jimmi and I discussed on the Variety Cast, plans are firm for the upcoming Gay Blogger Summit II in San Francisco during this year's Pride Weekend. The event promises to be nothing short of amazing, and will take place on Friday, June 22, 2007 at 8 p.m. (until it ends) at:

The Gallery Lounge

510 Brannan Street

San Francisco, CA 94107 map

cross street: 4th Street

Jimmi has graciously designed the above logo and T-shirt, soon to be available at Cafe Press. There are a bunch of you who have emailed me and/or commented on my blog that you'd like to attend -- as I will send out an Evite in the next few days. You can email me at DanNationBlog@gmail.com.

And now I close with a shot from last year's summit...can you name all the bloggers?

I'm Aging Like A Fine Milk

When did it happen? At what point did I suddenly realize that I'm no longer 25? When did I become the alta caca (Yiddish for "Very Old Person")???

The other day, I was sitting back enjoying a back and forth IM session with my friend Cameron. Same topics du jour between us...Food; Men; Food; Southern Shopping Habits; Food; Dietary Fiber Content; Food...when all of a sudden it hit me across the face like Naomi Campbell's cell phone...

I am so fucking old!!!

Shut up, bitches!! I know 43 isn't considered old...in fact, to hear some in deep denial say it, 40-ish is the new 20-ish.

Tell that to my well-over-20-ish man boobs. They used to be the perkiest pecs that complimented the rest of a very well-toned bod. That was when I was fully blossomed.

I just want to know how and when the bloom fell off.

See, that day, while yucking it up with Cameron, it just sort of dawned on me that I am FAR older than him (15 years, I believe), and while this epiphany had nothing to do with him, per se, it did show me just how much I have changed over the years without ever having realized it. Until now, that is.

For some reason, I remembered conversations with others who had never heard of the cool-assed shows that used to be on TV on Saturday mornings. All those acid-trip Sid & Marty Kroft shows...like H. R. Pufnstuf, Lidsville and Sigmond & the Seamonsters...

Of course, now I think I'm relating more to the cranky characters WitchiePoo and Professor Whodoo...

Even the cool cartoons, like Thundercats and He-Man...people say, "Huh? What is that?"

My moods sometimes swing more towards that like Mumra and Skeletor...

Why do I even have to explain these things to people? It isn't as though all of those shows aren't now out on DVD.

All of that is but a mere taste of how I feel I've aged. Not just the old shows...but everything else. The music is now something I can barely follow, and don't even get me started on how even at the gay bars, when they play something from the 80's, they refer to it as "the Oldies"!!!

Now, I ain't sayin' someone at my age is ready for the shuffleboard lanes or anything like that. Far from it, actually. But it just seems odd to me that the things I used to think of before seem so different to me now.

I used to diet and was the consummate gym-bunny even 10 years ago. Now, while I still try to watch what I eat, it's actually more like I watch it go into my mouth and then spread out over me. I might as well just duct-tape it right onto my ass. Fortunately, I stay very active - hyperactive, I should say - that I can still keep the pounds off...but it seems to take a lot more effort as I age. And I hate that shit!!!

When my friends call to ask about going out:

One Ringy Dingy - Two Ringy Dingy...
Me: "Hello?"
Friend: "Guuurrrrlll, put your Cha-Cha heels on and let's all go out clubbing tonight."
Me: "What time were you thinking on being out and where are we to meet?"
Friend: "We've been at the 303 since lunch," (it's now 8:30 PM) "...and we'll meet you at Side Kicks at 9:00."
Me: "Okay. See you there at 9:00."
Click
Me: (to myself) "Fuck, by the time I get there it's going to be way past my bedtime!!!"

That's another thing...When the hell did 'nap time' replace the fun times?? I am sitting here writing this on a FRIDAY NIGHT, anxious to get it finished so that I can get to bed at a decent hour!! And even when I am in bed, I am now having to get up at least twice a night to pee. What's up with that?!?!

I know that being 43 isn't old. And if you've ever gone shopping with me, you'd think you were with a 5 year old. But I've noticed that every once in a while, that weird feeling of nostalgia creeps over me that says, "I remember the days when...", and it now seems more important to me to stop and remember those days. The things I miss. The many friends who have passed on (really, the 80's and early 90's were the years of great loss). And the music didn't give me a headache.

I think it all really started becoming noticeable to me when I realized no one was carding me anymore. It's funny...I see people getting mad at stores or other places when they are being carded. I used to be the same way. Now I find myself forcing my ID in the faces of those who say, "I don't need to see your ID, Sir."

And to top it all off, my mom tells me that I am more than likely going to shrink as I get older, like she did. This is not good news to a man who is, at this time, only five-foot-three. What's next...crow's feet?

So I look in the mirror...sure enough...there they are.

But then, I've had those since I was eighteen. I had hoped all that alcohol I drank in my life would have done a better job of acting as a preservative.

Happy Easter dear Friends

For all of You, my dear Friends, from beautiful, full of spring, Poland.

‘Out’ Magazine discusses Celebrity Gays and the Glass Closet

Out Magazine writes about the Glass Closet this month.

The Glass Closet refers to prominent gays who live their lives openly, without actually confirming publicy that they're gay. They have this to say about Jodie Foster: "By all reports, Jodie lives an out life—within serious limits—while cagily avoiding any on-the-record revelations, a delicate dance that’s difficult to pull off—but not nearly so much so as double-bolting the door and living a total lie. Jodie, it turns out, is one of the foremost residents of a glass closet—that complex but popular contraption that allows public figures to avoid the career repercussions of any personal disclosure while living their lives with a certain degree of integrity. Such a device enables the public to see right in while not allowing them to actually open the latch unless the celebrity eventually decides to do so herself."

What can you say about people in the public eye who seem to be living a gay life yet refuse to discuss it? I doubt that Foster actually needs to confirm anything about her sexuality to the media. I think we pretty much know the deal by now. After all, I doubt that any of you were you particularly surprised when Rosie O'Donnell growled "I'm a lesbian!" No shit, Rosie. But in a world where the likes of even Sean Hayes (you know, Jack from Will and Grace) can happily decline to clarify his sexuality, is there any point even being in the closet these days, even if it's made of glass?

I think Cynthia Nixon (Miranda in Sex and the City) put it best when she told New York magazine after coming out, “If someone is chasing you, stop running. And then they’ll stop chasing you.” I think Cynthia has the right idea, don't you?

Age Appropriate

Do You Still Want to be a Contributor To This Site??

Just like all of those gay home makeover shows on HGTV, we're remaking this website! There are a number of you who are listed as contributors currently and we'd like to make sure that you are still interested in participating. We'd just like to get this site pumped up a little and keep things fresh and kickin' around here. So, please email me at alewispdx@gmail.com within the next couple of weeks with a simple "Yes" or "No." Also, please include your name and your blog's name so we can identify you. If I haven't heard from you within that time frame, your name will be removed from the contributor list. We know that many of you don't post here regularly, and that's perfectly fine. There are not too many rules around here. But if you are truly not interested, just let me know. You'll also see a few other changes as the weeks/months go by -- we hope you'll enjoy the new look and feel of It's Raining Men. By Lewis

Signs of Spring (2)

Rhododendron "Grace Seabrook" The Queen of the early big ass reds To see this one in person is to remember the delicious and refreshing flavor of cherry ice snow cones on a long ago summer day